The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am working overtime not to know where the A is or get involved in any of his stuff. His court stuff has been continued. I have really worked hard not to know what is going on. He is out of where he is living. I have really worked hard not to know where he is. I believe he may be living in the car he acquired. I do not know and I am working super hard not to know.
I've left the paying of his storage unit to him.
It feels such a relief to stop taking care of him and his series of messes. I know I would be in there making myself ill if I were not in this program. I have a sponsor who also encourages me to take time out for me. For the past week or so I have been feeling like I am rested and getting to grips with what I need to do next (which is considerable). I am seriously in debt, barely housed and isolated.
I am going to work really hard on my goals which are many for the next few months and try to regroup by next year. I barely have time to do much but I did manage to really get my dogs some great walks this weekend and that was rewarding and relaxing. I felt like I was taking better care of them because I am less preoccupied with what the A is doing, when and how he is messing up and suffused in grief about all the betrayal and loss.
My life is diffcult enough with my own issues I do not need to add his to the mix. That doesn't mean I don't care about him by any means. I just choose not to add him to my life at this time. He has called and made suggestions that I meet him and I have put it off. Whenever I've met him I've just ended up in an argment. He has my bicylce and maybe at some point I'll get it from him. My priority right now is my financial well being and moving on.
My jail bouncing exA is also a topic I try not to "go there" with, sometimes succeeding, sometimes failing.
First, I'll say what I'm REALLY thinking: I think if my ex goes to jail I will finally be rid of him and all his chaos and angst, and I'll really be able to focus on myself.
Now for the truth (which I must take on Faith, at least most of the time): He could be circling the property, calling me every day and whining and demanding, making faces at me through the fence and I could STILL be free of his BS.
It must all happen WITHIN ME. According to this, it is not something he can do for me, I must do it for myself.
Now somewhere in between my ex being in jail and me being so perfect as to not be bothered by anything he does, is REALITY.
Every post you write is succeedinly more strong, more centered, more confident and self assured. WE see it :) It's so hard to see for yourself (so just believe me :D )
