The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My AH has been sober since Tues. He is retired now so has nothing but time to drink all day while I work. My daughter is really becoming disgusted with the home front and has said she wants to move out. She is a Junior in college and I want her to continue to do well in school. I worry that this will be harder if she is out on her own, having to pay rent and work more hours.
Today so far has been a good day, but Im afraid to breathe for fear the bubble will burst and the nightmare will start again. I would appreciate some input from all of you as I am new to this board.
Thanks everyone Cookie
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A person's a person no matter how small --Dr Suess
Welcome to MIP Cookie :) Things can be a little slow on the weekends around here, so you may get more replies over the next couple of days.
What you are describing is so classic and so NORMAL. I hope you can get to Alanon meetings as well, so you can hear that you are definitely not alone in how you feel.
As far as being afraid to breathe for fear of the bubble bursting . . . so understandable . . . but so not true!
One of the first things you'll learn in Alanon is we, the loved ones, are powerless over the alcoholic's drinking and behaviors. In other words, nothing we do or say ever stops them b/c we can't make another person change themselves. Nothing you do or don't do will "make" him drink or make him stay sober.
It is entirely up to him. You could do a table dance and he'd still drink or not drink.
What you CAN do is help yourself by working a program of recovery along side him. Indirectly, your personal growth may trigger changes in him. But the point of Alanon is to help you cope and get your life back. Alcoholism destroys families all the time. Grab your daughter and both of you go, it helps to go with someone to that first meeting. Your daughter is equally affected and could benefit from the program too.
Keep coming back here to post and read, you'll find a whole bunch of us have walked or are walking in your shoes. It helps to know that :)
Oh, I know that feeling. And, I think it is in many ways a trap we let ourselves fall into. Sure, if you do everything *just* right, things might be OK tonight. Unless, of course, they aren't.
And meanwhile, somehow you are left feeling responsible for his drinking, for his behaviour when drunk, for your daughter's happiness, for every thing that happens in your home and out of it. Pretty big burden, and most of it is not really yours.
Welcome, this is the right place for you. Can't do anything about your husband, but we can do something for you - at the very least it's a safe place to vent, with people who understand because we have been there. At best, you can start to heal, to make real changes to your life.
Read our literature, read old posts here. Get to face to face meetings if at all possible - telling the truth out loud to flesh and blood people is enormously freeing. Not everything you find here will apply to you, but some things will, I promise.
I will just second what the others have said so far. You are in the right place. We do understand. You are not alone in this. Just keep coming back and absorb the new info. Ask questions. It will help.
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
The journey of 1,000 miles begins with but a single step. You don't say if you have found a face to face Alanon meeting for yourself.
As an adult child of an alcoholic, I too tired of the nonsense in my home and when my father left, I was elated because we could begin living again. Not everyone feels that way, but I did.
I hope your husband is in AA. Recovery for both of you is not easy but so worthwhile.
Keep coming, Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
Dear all: Thaks so much for all of your input. I do feel a face to face meeting would be very helpful. Maybe my daughter would also go. My husband does attend AA meetings sopradically.
Today has also been a good day, dinner at mother in laws with others from his family. Still no drinking, but I am realizing that I cant control this only he can. Reading posts from others on this board has empowered me to be proud of myself.
Thanks for the prayers
Cookie
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A person's a person no matter how small --Dr Suess
Hello Cookie and welcome , I hope u find yourself an Al-Anon meeting quick , you need support and u will find it in our prog. You are not the reason he drinks so nothing u say or do will make him drink again , it will be a choice he makes . Here is the toll free number for info on meetings in your area . 1-888-4alanon Please call . Ask about a Alateen meeting for your daughter in the area , it will help her alot , this is a family disease and evry one needs to recover . Louise
Today was a real victory for me. He was drinking today. I did not react for the first time since I can recall. I went about my business but I never said a word FOR ONCE!! I know there is a higher power working inside me!
I talked to my daughter about al-anon she says she really doesnt feel it would be for her. Thats OK too. I can see where choices that I have made regarding my husbands alcoholism have affected her too but she is 20 years old and must now make her own choices.
Thank you all for your input.
Cookie
-- Edited by cookie1971 at 22:25, 2007-10-15
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A person's a person no matter how small --Dr Suess
