Howdy (((((Family)))))

Something happened to me this morning that I have to share with you all.

I went out this morning to help my Dad build some fence.  He recently retired and is getting his homestead together.  He has some goats (one just had triplets!) and anyhow, he is putting up a new fence on one of the fields.

All my adult life (prior to al-anon) it has been extremely hard for me to work along side of my dad, as those of you who have been around here awhile know.  This is something I am really working on, improving my relationship with both my parents.

So anyhow, on the drive out I am lining up tools to use to try to make this experience not only okay, but maybe even good!

Acceptance, that my dad is who he is and will still be who he is when I get there.  Respect, for him and for myself, don't let something he says cause me to feel incompetent and like a child again.  Love, try to remember to have love in my heart.

Well I get there and we start getting stuff together to get started.  He has to go into the house for a few minutes, and while I am alone my cell phone rings.

It is one of my program friends from my home group.  I am a little surprised, because it is early in the day, and she has missed a few meetings lately due to a conflict in her schedule.

She called to tell me that she and one of her sponsee's had been gossiping about me the day before.  And she wanted to let me know just how much that I mean to them both.  To tell me that they appreciate how I work my program, always being at the meetings, a rock that they can count on to be there for them.  That it means so much to her what I do and that I touch so many people in a special healing way.

Folks my jaw dropped.  And..hold on to your hats!I was speechless!!!! 

So much inside of me wanted to minimize what she told me, to say oh its nothing!  That I  don't do this for thanks.  That I work this program selfishly.  I go to all those meetings, and all the other things I do to work my program, for me!  And honestly, except for that "its nothing" comment, the rest is true.  I do this for me, for my recovery.  That's how it works.  I expect no thanks.  Thanks enough is just by keeping on.  By coming back and passing the gift on.

Instead I just stammered a bit, unsure how to respond, then heard the voice of another friend whisper in my head, "Just say thank you".  So that is what I did.  Along with, "what a wonderful way for me to start my day!"

I hung up and my dad came back outside.  I just smiled and thanked my HP for his assistance this morning. I worked alongside my dad for the next 4 hours.  I saw him for who he is my dad, with all his mannerisms, with all his assets and all his faults.  I looked at him and saw how he is really starting to show his age.  And I felt so grateful that I was able to be there with him, spending time with him.  I was a bit scared when I saw how much work he had done without help during the week, and he said how hard it was and how tired it made him.  I didn't say anything to him unkind about that, like I might have at one time, out of fear for him.  Instead I just said, maybe next time you could ask for some help.

When I started splicing some wire and he corrected the way I was doing it, I didn't feel the frustration and anger I so often did in the past.  I listened and tried it the way he told me to.  And you know, it worked so much better!  I realized he wasn't saying that to me because he thinks I am stupid or incompetent.  He was just trying to teach me something.  Sure it is a little thing, twisting a piece of wire, and it would work the same which ever way, mine or his, but what I saw is that he was sharing something of himself with me.  He just wants me to be the best me that I can be.  And you know what, when I thought of that, I was reminded of something I heard a spiritual speaker say the other day.  He asked the audience, "What do you think God's plan is for you?"  His answer was a universal one, that applies to us all.  "That you be the best you, that you can be". 

And you all have taught me to be willing.  To listen.  To look for the message I am supposed to hear, regardless of the messenger.

My higher power has talked to me loud and clear twice today.  Once through a phone call from my friend, and again through my father.

Wow! This is such a great way of life. 

In utter humility, I want to thank those of you all whom are part of me becoming who I am.  To those people who founded this program, who were willing to listen to their HP and received and shared with us all this gift of the 12 step programs.  To all those that have come since, thank you.  To all of those who were there for me when I came in here, beaten down and hopeless, thank you.  To all of you who suit up and show up at the meetings, seasoned veteran and new comer alike, thank you. 

Peace and love to you all!

Yours Still in Recovery,

David