The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
this last week has been one of mayham. i bought a bed for a reduced price, believing the seller, when, i was told i was recieving a GREAT deal for a foam filled bed. GUARANTEED. i got the bed home and the foam filled bed turned out to be springs. bad backs run in my family. i have taken good care of mine, and, would like to continue to do so. that of course means NOT sleeping on a spring bed. so, i phoned the manufactorer, "no, the bed is to be returned to the place of purchase." i went to the place of purchase, "no, we cannot take that bed back here" i emailed a message to the supervisor of this establishment. okay............, i am not to happy by now. my back is sore, i can't sleep on my new bed, and, i have now spent a few nights sleeping in the family room with the dogs. I AM TIRED. i looked back on the email i sent, i was a little bit rude. not a lot, just a little. now, i am bugged because i should have been nicer. in the mean time i recieved some news from my daughter. she is preganant. more news, something may be wrong with the pregnancy. could we please drive her to the city for ultra sound. [we do not have that kind of technology in our small town} no problem, we get her to the laboratory center, leave her for her exam, pick her up less than an hour later. she feels fine, she looks fine. her daughter, our grandaughter is fed and quiet, lets go shopping. on the way home, my daughter experiences a miscarriage in the back of our car. she said nothing to us, but, was extremely impatient to her 20 month old daughter. to the point where my husband and i were concerned about letting baby go home with her. the atmosphere was so tense........., nothing was said, my daughter went home, her boyfriend was there, she put baby to bed, and proceeded to our local hospital to finish the miscarriage. at one thirty am she went home. next day, she was out for coffee, visiting friends , and, acting like nothing happened. now, i am upset with myself because i am wondering, did she really have a miscarriage, given the nature of her relationship with this man , and , her odd behavior over the past couple of years, i find myself wondering........., is she telling the truth or is this another lie. no one went in with her to the lab or the hospital, she could easily have said she went and didn't. not that it matters i guess, she is acting so crazy, no matter what happened , it is all a terrible mess. in the midst of all this, my other daughter drove in from victoria with her six kids, husband and dog. i have not seen her for two years and my husband has not seen her for about five years. in my husbands eyes, everything is perfect, "don't worry about the bed, we'll buy a new one". geesh, i think to myself, that means we will be out a lot of money. "don't worry about daughter and baby, her boyfriend isn't that bad", he says. yah right , i think until the next time he steps out on her. and, "oh it is so nice to have angel, her six kids and nasty husband here", he sighs. and again, i think, ahhh , his denial is so bliss, i want some.
tomorrow night is my weekly alanon meeting. until then, just for today, i feel like a misfit with my own family.
((JEWELY)) Oh honey, please know I extend my deepest sympathy for your loss. Thank you so much for sharing your feelings with us. Is there anyone from your weekly meeting you can call in the meantime to process through feelings with? Have you shared with your other daughter where you're at? ((Please keep us posted))
no i have not called anyone from meeting yet. went online to chat room, sometimes that helps. i did try to talk to my daughter, it fell a bit flat. thus, the misfit feeling. that's okay though. just for today, " I AM WHAT I AM".
but geesh, it sure has felt like a long week with a lot in it. time for a break. think i will go to the gym......, do something, JUST FOR ME.
What a lot to handle. I hope you are being kind to yourself. You have reason to be upset.
I dealt 24/7 with the don't worry about stuff from the A. I have to say it drove me to distraction. He never dealt with antyhing then he woud turn it all on me.
Ihave a room mate who is a habitual liar. It is very hard to trust him on anythng. I in fact distance myself from him by the hour.
sometimes just knowing that someone else knows what i am talking about helps me feel sane. i get that misfit feeling when i feel like "i am the only one". i do not know my daughter as a young woman. she does not drink but the man she is living with does........ A LOT. and, he is unfaithful to her........often. of course she is playing out the part of one who has been affected by someone elses drinking, and, i am amazed and bewildered by her lifestyle choices. my husband does drink, but, he was a faithful husband and a GOOD father. i guess in the long run it is the progression of this disease. all i can do is take care of me. i did go to the gym to work out and sat in the sauna for about forty minutes. while i was relaxing i read some alanon material on step 10. as always the reminder........, be gentle with myself. for every two steps i take forward, i will take one back [that is the part i hate], my learned reactions are habitual and it will take time to change my behavior to healthy responses. so, i just......., KEEP COMING BACK, and, WORK IT BECAUSE I AM WORTH IT.
Blessings, jewely
i truly am grateful for this on line forum. being out here in the country can sometimes make getting to meetings difficult. this helps fill in the gap until i can get to face to face meetings.
I can tell you from my own experiences and my five miscarriages last year that you can miscarry and be fine the next day. Not to be too personal but it took a day for me to pass the tissue (baby). I went to the ER where they did an ultra sound and only told me that it was almost all the way passed through the vaginal canal. I did eventually pass it within a few hours. The process took about 24 hours from beginning to end. I don't know if your daughter is an addict or what not but they do give you pain killers when you go in for a miscarrage and they DO check. They check you vaginally, do blood work and give you and ultrasound. There is no pain afterwards (only when its passing-clots) and the next day you really are fine with minimal bleeding. So she may be telling you the truth.
Sorry to hear about the mattress. I have really bad back issues myself. A good mattress is a MUST! You know what was the best bed I ever had for my back? It was my waterbed. :( I wish I still had that dang thing. lol Good luck hun.
thank you so much for sharing your experience strength and hope with me. my daughter is not an addict. she does not drink. she is just acting so crazy, i wonder if anything she says or does is true. [the devastating affects of her partners drinking on her life] she told me the nurses did offer her demeral at the hospital, but, she did not want to take it. she works in extendicare and has seen the effect it has on her patients and said she just did not want to feel that way herself. she had to drive home and did not want to be impaired. i am so greatfull to you for sharing your experience with me. i did not know about miscarriages and how each person's body can react. again, thank you, thank you, thank you. my brain feels a little clearer today. even your little comment about your back made me feel better about myself. sometimes, i feel like i am selfishly wining,[which is why i rarely say anything about my back], and, then along comes somebody like you to tell me, it's okay, i have back problems too.
That's what we are here for. There's not much for me to be embarrassed about. It was life and I lived it. I was fooled into believing my husband was sober and we were going to add an addition (baby) to the family. We all have hopes and dreams. But....some how......God or your HP has a bigger plan. It would have been nice to have another little one but through further thinking, right now would not have been a good time. Oddly enough with the first few miscarriages I didn't really feel bad. I didn't "bond" with the pregnancy. I wasn't sure exactly what to feel. No one counsels you on miscarriage and how to deal with that loss. Even if it wasn't wanted some part of you rips out of your soul. Chemically your daughter is all messed up inside. It takes a good month or more to get back to normal. Let her talk about everything in her own time. To the outsiders a miscarriage is no big deal. To the one's who experience, it can be numbing and it's usually something that just feels more comfortable holding inside.
I have osteo arthritis in my back and occured more problems from having my son and then my twins immediatley afterwards. Day to day things are difficult but not having a good night sleep can ruin the whole day. We spend alot of our lifetime sleeping so it would only make sense to protect our health. It's not selfish at all, what good are you to others if you are hurting and have lack of sleep? lol Have a great day :)
