The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I disagree sweetie, you DO know how to be strong for your baby. Play feed laugh and hold the baby as you would any old day.
My AH took off on me too, and would be gone for two weeks at a time, and he'd do it once a month! Just home long enough to sleep it off, apologize profusely, and go out again.
The feelings I thought would kill me did not kill me. In fact, over time, I DID feel grateful for the quiet. My babies are adults now but I focussed on my farm and all the animals' lives and taking care of them became my life line. It still is.
What went through my head was hell. I had to learn to "turn off" the thoughts. I actually had to tell them to shut up out loud sometimes.
I felt like I was slogging through the days, the tears and rages I'd feel were awful. But my Alanon friends told me to focus on myself, and refocus on myself, over and over. There is nothing else to do . . . and even though it took a lot of practise before I didn't CARE that he was gone again, I know I felt better than if I had just sat there and cried.
The point is, you can't do anything about him. You can't make him go or stay. He's an alcoholic and his disease tells him what to do. YOU need support right now, no one should go through this alone, esp a young mom with a baby. Can you stay with your Mom?
Keep posting . . . you will get through this. Perhaps Mom can watch the baby so you can try out an Alanon meeting?
I'm sorry you are going through this. We learn in Al-Anon to get through these things one day at a time and to keep the focus on ourselves. This disease is painful for all around. Know that it is his disease speaking when he says those horrible, terrible things and pushes you away. The addiction wants him alone with the bottle. It makes no sense to those around the addicted and we end up going crazy trying to figure out the insanity. We are powerless of the alcoholic and his disease. The best thing you can do for you is to take care of yourself and your baby. Getting to a meeting is a great idea, so is reading daily Al-Anon literature. If you can get to a meeting, you will find local support and phone numbers of others to call and talk. We are also here for you on the message board, please post your thoughts and feelings at any time.
Starting out for me was tough; what kept me going was the 3 Cs - I didnt' Cause it, I Can't Control it and I Can't Cure it. The meetings were a blessing as I was finally with others who understood; they became a comfort and a source of strength for me.
Please know you are not alone. We are here for you to help you deal with those trying moments in your life.
You've been given so many wise words already, I don't know what I can add. Your post reminded me of my situation a year ago. He used to disappear for weekends. I was worried sick. It just got worse and worse. In the end I had to leave. It was so so hard. But I was at my end, I could take no more.
We have no contact now. And I am glad I had the courage to chose a different way for myself. I can see not that it was only going to keep getting worse for me. I cannot control this disease any more than you can.
I just wanted to wish you well in whatever you decide to do. Prayer helped me a lot. I journalled a lot to to help me clarify my thoughts. Sometimes its hard to see clearly when living with anA.
I'm so sorry you have to go through this. My AH and I are currently separated, but in recovery. We are finding solutions and at this piont have no desire to separate permanently/divorce. Everyone has to find their own path that is right for them. Just know that we are all here for you with lots of Experience, Strength, and Hope. Post as often as you need. It's what we are here for. If you can find a face2face meeting, it will help. You need support for yourself. You can do this. As the haze of excess emotion starts to clear you will know what you need to do for yourself. I promise.
Love in recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
I always found strength in my children. When all the world seemed to be rotten, I could always find sweet undying love from my children and still can. Although my teenager isn't always willing these days LOL....he knows when I need that reassuring hug and gives it to me at just the right moments.
Hang in there. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
