The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have felt somewhat regrouped today after a horrible week last week and feeling incredibly stressed out about what the A may do. Of course there always has been issues about what he may do. He's done them all, crashed and destroyed the truck, got court cases, been penniless, annoyed and irritated and estranged everyone. Take a laundry list he's done it. I don't know why I sit on tenderhooks about what he will do next. Everything he does spells disaster. I think I sit on tenderhooks becuase I feel like I am sitll somehow responsible.
His latest charade of selling what is in essence mine has totally flumoxed me. In effect he's always done stuff that flumozed me. I just didn't register it. I lived, ate and slept denail and then I tried to fix it. Stoppping fixxing it this summer has been so hard for me.
The key for me was to get my pets. Another key was to try to get solvent which for me will take years and probably have me living marigally for a long long time. I feel threatend by the A but hte fact is he is one foot away from jail and knows it.
He's always blamed others, never told the truth, always thought solely of himself. That is the truth.
There are moments when I can get beyond this betrayal and the uncertainity and the anger to a place where I know I will not let him in my life anymore at all. I don't need to, I don't have to and I no longer want to. I owe him no explanations anymore.
He has not called for a few days now and I no longer even worry about him.
I understand how you feel, give yourself a break...take care of you for awhile. No matter what you do or how you live or act can change the outcome of his sobriety.....
He is responsible for him dear lady you are not.... I know how hard it was for you to take these steps...addiction sucks us dry...my husband no longer on this earth and I still try and figure it out...
I know it is hard but sometimes the greatest gift that we give to the A is when we let go and let them clean up their own messes. You have come so far and the outcome might just be in the A's higher power's hands now.
