The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Feeling horrible this week. Why oh why, can I not learn from a mistake, without going and doing it again.???
I got out of a relationship with the A. He didn't deserve me, and looking back I now see just how selfish, and out for himself he was.
So, I tried again with someone else. He was so different from the Alco. So thoughtful, sincere, and genuine. And me being an al-anon, I don't know If I blew it, and chased him away with all my insecurities, or just gave him the excuse to walk away.
For six years I was on my own, no men at all. Now in the last year I have been involved with the A. And then this guy. I honestly don't know what I am doing..I guess I just want to be normal. Find someone I can share my life with. All I have succeded in doing, is walking right back into the pain I just escaped from.
I "feel" so sad this week. The tears are never far. And the big question that keeps coming up is "Whats wrong with me"???? Why can I not be like everyone else? The realization is "I have been affected, emotionally and mentally" by someone else's drinking. But can I keep using that excuse.
I was under no illussions with this person. We had a brilliant time, enjoyed eachothers company, and "Laughed our butt's off for four days solid". I have been working on "accepting" if it's not meant to be it's alright. But so far he is everywhere, In the house, the car, my room, I hear songs or something that reminds me of him. I am missing him so much, it hurts....
For the first time in my life I think i know what love really is, and what it's like to be loved. I thought this was mutual...
I am really feeling this pain this week, and I guess I'm scared of the reaction this is having on me. I know my programme, I have been doing meetings, but sometimes, "enough is enough". Is this our life? Get up and get knocked back down again?
Just needed to vent to people who feel, and understand the emotions I am going through..
(((Ally)))) Easy does it girl. When are you going to realize you are much stronger than you think? Well, someone said that to me one time and it made me feel better, so I hope you feel better too. Sweepy
I am so sorry you are grieving again. I did notice in your last post that you were more tuned into how he felt about you, then how you felt about him. Allow yourself to cry. HP has got you in his/her loving arms. Keeping you in my prayers.
It's going to be OK and you will get thru this. Ofcourse it hurts. It's supposed to. Breaking up is hard to do. It just is. We have to feel. That's all it is, you are feeling it and it sucks but it will lessen and pass and you will have learned something new about you. Non- alanons break up and feel intense emotions too. I think it's part of being human with feelings. And look at how well you are doing with feeling and expressing your thoughts and emotions! You had enough courage to put yourself out there and you got hurt. But you will get up and do it again. I know you will. I think it is life that if you want someone to share your life with you have to go out there and face society and all it's ills. Think of how much fun you had with this guy, not that it's over forever. Maybe it's not. No one knows what the future holds. I think it's exceptional that you found someone to have fun with and feel for. I think that's a sign of healing. I hope I see that sign some time in the future myself.
I am sure u have heard this before ally , there are no vicitms in Al-Anon we are now volunteers . If we keep doing what we have always done were gonna get what we always got . Take time to get to know yourself before you jump into another relationship find out why u do what u do . Louise
Slow down girlfriend. Everything will be okay. Go ahead and mourn the relationship, but don't wallow (like I use to). Having said that, this may not be what you want to hear, but I'm telling you anyways cause I love you.
It took hubby and I 20 years before we realized that we should be together. I've always said that answers come when we are most ready to receive them. Well I also believe that about relationships. I can't tell you how many years I went without a relationship. I would date once in a while but nothing serious. I use to think it was me. That something was "wrong" with me. To an extent it was me, I wasn't ready to be in one. I didn't realize it at the time. When things went wrong, I blamed me. Heck I was never the popular one in school. My sister was the one that always had boys coming and going. But you know what I realized? That it's okay to be alone. It doesn't mean there's something "wrong" with me. It meant that I just hadn't found the person I wanted to be with. (I didn't even think that it could be hubby. I knew a part of me always loved him, but I hadn't seen him in years.) At this stage of the game, I was learning to be content being alone. It didn't mean I had to be lonely. This served me well when I told hubby to leave last year. I wasn't uneasy at being alone.
Here's my point: you are right where you are suppose to be. Maybe at this stage of your life, you need just to be Ally. When we stop looking for things we want, they can fall right into our lap without realizing it. Give yourself a break. You know you are not a bad person. You have more strength, wisdom and love to give than you know. What you have to do is give those qualities to Ally. Just like you would offer it to anyone here. What would Ally tell me or anyone else here if this were someone else's post? Well take that and tell Ally and BELIEVE IT. LIVE IT.
Love and much blessings to you.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
-- Edited by Karilynn at 09:14, 2007-10-03
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I don't know if this is really helpful but I share it with you hoping so.........
I was at a f2f meeting once where a guy said when he was out with groups of people, he could see all the ways they were interacting with each other that weren't working because of what he learned at Al Anon. Folks would get him involved, asking him questions and react amazed at his insight. Trying to take care of his own stuff and not their stuff was a constant challenge that he didn't want to participate in and didn't enjoy. He was single (not sure if divorced or COA) but said he really enjoyed the friends he makes through Al Anon.
Could be these new relationships can trip us back into old behaviors as we react to old actions of these new friends that could very well be COAs and not know it or anything about Al Anon. Just thinking out loud, I guess and wanting to remind you that there is nothing wrong with you. You are just right being who you are, very special Ally. hugs, ddub
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"Choices are the hinges of destiny." Pythagoras You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
