The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I go to face to face meeings, I work the step, practice the traditions, attend open meetings, go to AA round ups, Alanon assemblies, district meetings, and, read Alanon material daily. I even joined the local gym. [keep the focus on myself] I know that I cannot change my husband, but, why am I having such a hard time changing me? I tell myself "don't react.......respond" . "practice these principles in all affairs". Lately I have been thinking, " I am not having problems DETATCHING from my husband, I am having problems DETATCHING from my own emotions." I realise, after almost twenty five years of marriage to this man, I don't know how to react any other way. I have to learn appropriate responses of behavior. It is not about him. it is about me. My sanity cannot depend on his sobriety. His drinking pattern has reached a different level. The blue book of Alcoholics Anonymous speaks to us about the different stages of alcoholism. I find myself praying for his bottom. The sooner he hits it, maybe, the sooner a change in our life will come. I am weary of the constant sameness of this disease. "HIGHER POWER, if you can't change him, change me".
Oh my gosh! I think you just put into words every single thing that I have been feeling! The only difference is that my husband and I are working on our third year of marriage. Know that you are not alone! Not that it makes the situation any better.....Isn't it amazing that some people find it so easy to be selfish and we fight with ourselves in a battle to try and focus on ourselves?!?! Surely there is not a magic answer but if I find one, I'll let you know! I am new to this myself...A fellow AL-Anon friend told me that I need to relinquish the need to control. Not sure how to do that either....
Hang in there. I will be praying for your happiness.
your reply made me smile. thank you. when my adult daughter says "love you mom", i always say back, " ditto ". i would like to say......., "ditto" back to you friend.
many blessings jewely
thank you Looking For Peace,
i felt kindness through your reply. i am not new to alanon, although there are many days when i feel like i am, then i wonder......., when will the changes come?
during the preamble at open AA meetings i hear it said, our recovery comes "sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly". Just For Today, it felt like a slow recovery day.
i suppose the magic is in how we work our program. in the LETTING GO and LETTING GOD. another good slogan [piece of magic] for me to remember is , EASY DOES IT. i lose patience with myself and my Higher Power, thinking......., "i should be doing better than this, what is wrong with my Higer Power?!!!" usually it is HALT. H ungry A ngry L onley T ired.
i agree with you whole heartledly about relinquishing control. that is one of the learned behaviors i am having so much trouble UNLEARNING. it is a defect i would LOVE to see removed from me. i guess all i can do is be aware and ask Higher Power to remove it.
I am new to this myself...A fellow AL-Anon friend told me that I need to relinquish the need to control. Not sure how to do that either....