The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was thinking about the time my friend's brother and his fiancee were in a horrible car accident. They were both flown to shock trauma. Her brother's injuries resulted in paralysis and her sister-in-law suffered from a broken arm. She called me after the accident happened and was angry that her sister-in-law was thinking about calling off the marriage. I told her that caring for someone on a full-time basis for the rest of your life is a major decision and that love is not the cure all. At first, I felt that I was being callous about how I would feel if I was in her sister-in-law's shoes. This has come into my mind recently. I was away on a business trip and turned on the TV in my hotel room. A show was airing on whether certain couples would divorce later down the road. A question was asked to each of the couples about what they would do if their spouse became severely debilitated and needed full-time care. The husband said that love would take care of everything, while his wife said that she didn't think she could handle the responsibility. The husband was shocked by her answer. Then a professional commented that she was living in reality and her husband was living in fantasy. This also answered a question about an ex boyfriend who was going to propose. I felt very hesitant about marrying him. There was something I could not put my finger on, but knew deep down I would not be happy. This was long before Al-Anon. I finally severed the relationship with him after he exploded on me and kicked me out while we were visiting his brother 3,000 miles away. For the life of me, I could not understand why he over reacted and always broke up with me. Six months later, he was found dead in his truck while he was working. His family blamed me for his death. Once I had time in Al-Anon I could see what it really was since I broke the denial. He was drinking and taking prescription pain killers while he was on anti-depressants. They said it was a brain aneurysm that killed him. I have noticed when a question returns to my mind HP gives me the answer.
Powerful post! This just confirms that our Higher Power always has the right answers for us (they may not be the easy ones either) if only we will listen to him.
I am so glad you came to Alanon and did not believe his family. People often forget that each of us is simply NOT THAT POWERFUL.
yours in recovery, Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
