The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This is my first time posting on this site. I have been struggling with an "A", as you call it, for about two years now. The part that kills me is that we had 8 GREAT years together before this all happened. Anyway, I am getting to the point in our relationship where I feel that I am at a crossroads. He is at the stage where he wants to quit, but keeps making excuses to drink. I see him as being so embattled and have FINALLY realized I can do nothing to make him stop. It is really difficult for me to detatch and I am feeling like I am not happy when I am detached and I am not happy to be a part of the drama. Seems so unfair!! When is it my turn to be happy?!? The empty promises and false hope is so exhausting. I don't know what to believe and I have no clue what I want. Basically I am lost, confused, and embattled myself. I don't want to stay and I don't want to leave.
I'm not sure exactly what I am looking for. Maybe a push in the right direction for me to start my recovery. This is just not working for me anymore. Please help!!
Sounds like you are in the right place - you could wait forever for HIS recovery, but you do have a choice as to when yours will start.
Get to a face to face meeting if you can - the relief of saying these things out loud to another human being is enormous. And, of course, this place is always here. Not everything you read in every post will apply to your situation, but lots will, I promise.
As to the unfairness, I hear you. I found accepting it as a disease really helped. The 'aha' moment, when I looked at this loving, intelligent, funny man, raving like a lunatic, and realized that "he is not doing this on purpose!" made such a difference to me. It didn't give him a 'get out of jail free' card, in fact that was the moment when I realized I could and would leave him if I had to. It allowed me to see him with compassion, rather than rage and bafflement.
Welcome to the MIP family. Here you will find great experience, strength, hope, wisdom and a bit of humor (good for the ). You have just started on the path to recovery by coming here.
Your recovery has to be about you and for you regardless if your A chooses sobriety or not. Recovery is about taking back your life and living the life you so richly deserve. It can and will happen. An addict is gonna do what an addict is gonna do, sober or not. My hubby has said not only do you have to want sobriety (know anyone who grew up wanting to be an addict?) but you have to be ready for it. The same way you have to be ready for your recovery.
I strongly urge you to get to some face-to-face meetings or join us online for some. Come into our chat room, go back and read old posts. There are some wonderful books to help you as well. I have a daily meditation book: More on the Language of Letting Go by Melodie Beattie. Detachment is one of the best tools you can learn.
Happiness comes from within, and is yours for the taking. I was in such a mood yesterday and nothing I did was going to snap me out of it. Well I took a few minutes to look outside and relish in the beauty of the fall weather. I know it sounds trite. But when you give yourself a few minutes of serenity each day, eventually the serenity and happiness comes. Please keep coming back to us.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty <--- the cat
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I came to Alanon just like you, looking for peace, looking for a new way to a lifelong problem. I grew up with a raging A and married an ACOA. I found Alanon when I was "sick and tired of being sick and tired."
I can't say that I am totally peaceful. I'm at about 95% though There was no magic, I am sorry to say, but this is what I was told when I went to face to face meetings in Alanon.
1. Get to meetings at least once a week (I found two worked for me). 2. Share your story at meetings. Let them know you are a newcomer. 3. Read daily literature including One Day At A Time in Alanon and Courage to Change in Alanon (I highly recommend both of these and any other literature with daily affirmations that you can get you hands on -- you can get them really cheap at amazon.com). 4. Get a sponsor and work the 12 steps -- Paths to Recovery is the book I used. 5. Call your sponsor often to get out of your own head. Often we let this disease rent non-stop daily space in it and we can't seem to get out of our own way.
For me, I found following these steps was the key. I now live alone yet my life is very full. I can say that I have found contentment and peace in my imperfectly perfect life.
It's all out there for the taking for each and every one of us.
best wishes in recovery, Maria
-- Edited by Maria123 at 10:26, 2007-09-30
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
Thank you for all of your kind words. You have helped me to get through and on my path of recovery. It's amazing how much reading your replies has helped me feel less alone.
Your advice, kindness and prayers will surely leave their mark on me forever.
). You have just started on the path to recovery by coming here. 
and nothing I did was going to snap me out of it. Well I took a few minutes to look outside and relish in the beauty of the fall weather. I know it sounds trite. But when you give yourself a few minutes of serenity each day, eventually the serenity and happiness comes. Please keep coming back to us. 
There was no magic, I am sorry to say, but this is what I was told when I went to face to face meetings in Alanon.