The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My dad had his 20th back surgery on Monday. On wednesday he called and said "I know you've been so busy, and I know you've been extremely worried about me, so I'm calling to tell you that I'm fine, the surgery went well, and that I will be home a week from Saturday..." As I was listening to the arrogant garbage spouting on the phone I was reminding myself to "live and let live" and "let go let god" and just let him be. If he thinks I was concerned about him, let him. I hadn't done anything to really indicate that I was, but whatever. Let him be so full of himself that he wants to believe this garbage. So he calls today, "Calling to check in, see if you're okay. If you want to, you can call me at...." Dad speak for call me back. Dad speak for I want to talk. Dad speak for when you call, I'll pick a fight. Quite frankly, I feel like picking a fight over technicalities and saying "well you did say IF I felt like it...and I didn't feel like it..." but really, that's sinking to his level and playing dirty. That's not being honest or fair. Really, what's going on was that I was hoping he would get the crap kicked out of him. But No. What I want is for this insanity to end. I'm just so angry that he thinks I'll rescue him. I don't owe him anything. I don't need to give him anything. But somehow he thinks I'm supposed to ride in, save him, and ride out. Whatever! I'm also, physically, feeling low. Physically, I'm feeling sick again, and I probably need to call my GI on monday, and insist on having someone from her office, a partner or whatnot, give me a second opinion on my situation, considering that my stomach and all are getting worse and are in the same condition that it was in at this time last year when I saw her. *angry face!* I'm trying to easy do it, and still do it. Nothing's changing with Dad or mom, so I am. I'm trying to live my life according to the 12 steps, and not beat myself up when I'm not perfect at it. I'm trying to do the best I can with what I've got, where I'm at and with what I can do. I'm not sure I feel good about the results.
This too shall pass. I'm sorry you are feeling a bit low today, but it will pass. It always does. You are working hard at the program. It will pay off, but I've noticed that sometimes it pays in installments. A little here and some more later. LOL Maybe try doing something nice for you today. A hot bath, a walk, talk with a friend, nap, work out, read something not school related, whatever you need, even if only for a few minutes.
I find that I work myself out of a funk faster, if I just be gentle with myself for a bit. That helps take the focus off others and put it back on me where it belongs.
Try to have a better day.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Living with one alcoholic is too much for us. Living with two of them is darned near impossible. I know you live at college but they are still renting space in your head darling.
The stress of that situation as well as the stress of college is ALOT. Stress can make us sick physically, emotionally and psychologically. I often see Alanoners taking the geographic cure which is sometimes very much needed.
Work your program honey. Use all the quick slogans all day, every day.
Live and let live. Easy does it as you say. Let go and let HP. This too shall pass. Keep it simple.
Are you reading your ODAT or C2C?
Praying for you sweetie, love Maria
__________________
If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
