I'm living in one big panick attack. Help. - Al-Anon Family Group

Friendofyours · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm living in one big panick attack. Help.

carolinagirl · ~*Service Worker*~

Well, I have definitely been there. For me the thing that worked was to think about all the things he had done to me/the kids that really pissed me off (moreso now that I'm out of it) and use that anger to get rid of the other feelings. The hardest thing to remember is You can't control him or his choices, you can only control yours. This is the choice he has chosen, you need to be dwelling on what choice you will choose, not on what he has or hasn't/will or wont choose. That's my opinion and I know it's easier said than done. Whenever you start to get the evil thought, try replacing it with something else. Tell yourself in advance when my mind wanders to him I'm going to think about ________ and then force yourself to do it. Also, getting absorbed in something else for a while really helped me. School kept my mind totally off of him!

serendipity · ~*Service Worker*~

I have those thoughts to. Not about the ex using but other horrible things he has done. They sneak up on me too. At night when I am sleeping or driving, having a seemingly good day. I stop those thoughts and tell myself to stop. I ask myself what are these thoughts doing to me? Are they helping me? NO. Are they giving me comfort? No. Are they making me feel safe? No. Those kinds of questions and the answers I give myself are ones that show me that these thoughts are NOT helping me or helping me love myself. They are hurting me and I don't want to hurt myself. It helps to know that I do have control over what I think and what I choose to think about. Even when those thought pop up I can choose to restore my sanity. I do pray to be relieved when I don't feel I can stop. But I am trying to do the footwork, help myself. You can do it. You are a strong woman with your own life. Don't let him rent space in your head especially when he's NOT paying rent!

Friendofyours · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you. I wish I could control the thoughts. I can do that easily during the day but at 4 in the mornnig I'm in panick mode. I started thinking......My best friend died of alcoholism, my male best friend just died of heart failure from his past drinking......my sister in law is dying now from cancer and I had five miscarriages and now ah came drinking. I think maybe I have too much in my head.
I called my dr, not sure what he can do. Maybe just talking to me might help. I'd go to church tonight but there isn't anything there tonight :(
I was comforted by coming back on here and seeing these two replies. It does help to know you're not alone. You have helped. Thank you, both. :)

david62 · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi FOY,

I went through a period where I was having those "unwanted" dreams.

The thing I found that worked the best for me was to do some reading just before I turned the light off to go to sleep.

I would read from the bible, or some other inspirational type literature. This seemed to help me out a lot! Cut way down on the number of nights I would have the bad dreams.

Yours Still in Recovery,
David

hersh · ~*Service Worker*~

Friend of Yours:

Oh my gosh can I relate to you!! It seems I spent all of last year just in that "dread and doom" phase, just worried, worried, and could not sleep. So wrapped up in the whole drama. It is such a horrible place to be. All I did was pray. I prayed and prayed and prayed for HP to give me strength. I prayed for my AH to find his path. I didn't know what else to do. It did help. I got stronger, it took a bit, but I did. I also read The Language of Letting Go, and other books to help me learn to worry about my own life, and to really take care of myself.

I hope you can find some peace and sleep soon. You are a caring person and I know the pain you are in. Anxiety and fear is the worst place to be. I wish you love and serenity and hope. You are NOT alone!!!

Love, HeidiXXX

Kim65 · ~*Service Worker*~

I really like the idea of reading something inspiring and comforting right before sleep. They say what you think about right before you fall asleep will be the content of your dreams.

Since you just went through that "lovely" w/e with your A, likely this is a reaction that will fade away with a little time. It still sucks though, lack of sleep throws everything out of whack.

When I get super stressed I can't FALL asleep much less stay asleep. The psych who prescribed my antidepressants suggested I up my dose by half for a week or two, as antidepressants tend to improve sleep. Sleeping pills for a short term basis might be good too, just to get ya over the hump.

lin0606 · ~*Service Worker*~

I find it useful to face my fears as directly as possible - what is the worst thing, the thing I am most afraid of? If that happens what will my plan be, what will I do? Then when the fears come whirling around, I tell myself firmly "NO - you don't have to worry about this because you have already decided what to do". Kinda like training a dog - practice makes perfect, but you can tame those unruly thoughts.

Calming literature at bedtime really really helps, and so does the pharmacological solution - I am not a big fan of sleeping pills, but earlier this month I finally asked my doctor for something mild, and I take one maybe twice a week. Afer my husband's death in June, my father's death in July, and my visually impaired son going off to University 200 km away without any of the promised technological support in place, I needed some concrete help to calm the worry monster. Most of my efars were irrational, but I have just lost too much lately - my 'good sense' and 'proportion' buttons were not working.

debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

I know when I have those awful nightmares and wake up totally upset, I used to have someone who I could call. That helped.

Now crap, I will go to sleep and dream more bad stuff. ick.

Friend maybe do something that is nice before you go to sleep. Watch a funny movie, read the Bible. I know that may sound corny but I like to read first Cor. about love and other nice stuff.

I love to read Leo Buscaglia. He is so cool. Just talks about love.

Maybe you could think about the good stuff about your AH. Give him to hp. we cannot do anything anyway. KNow no matter what Hp will take care of him.

Panic stuff is awful. I do know exercise helps. Just a simple walk. Sometimes we get so bogged down in all the drama and pain in our lives, we forget the light parts.

Take the kids for ice cream or go play somewhere. Find an animal sanctuary, take carrots and apples and go visit. Let something take your mind away. I swear soap operas are therapy for me.

I Hope ya feel better. I know too vitamins help. Maybe you are off somehow with nutrition. I tell ya lady, since I cut most sugar, omg I feel so much better and am losing so much weight, gaining so much muscle.

Hey if you can afford it, go get a massage and cont to get them.

sending oodles of love,debilyn

Friendofyours · ~*Service Worker*~

Lots of good advice. I haven't tried reading the bible but I am going to try that. I normally can go to sleep (thanks to xanax) but I wake up at four (always at that time) and that's when it hits me. I've been praying so hard, out loud just praying for happiness, any kind.

My diet is perfect, my dr even tells me my blood is better then his own. lol I do LA weight loss remember. I'm full of all the good stuff.

I do take the kids places all the time. The day isn't the problem. It's that time of night.

I can't remember any good things of AH anymore. I'm still in the mad mode at him right now. He's such a fake, a lier, an alcoholic and a horrible father. Good times???? I'm not sure of any and I'm not sure the kids have any. It's just like he's there.

He wants to come this weekend. I really don't want that. He said he'd do a pee test but I don't even want to do that. But...........how can I break their hearts. But if I say yes...will I go back in heavy nightmares.

My dreams are all about someone dying, grave yards, I dream about the same town. I don't know if it does exsists but it's scary as hell. Stephen Speilburg (sp) would love to be in my brain. Sorry to ramble. I just want to get it all out just in case I go MIA again. I've been living on my couch and getting up to take care of the kids and at night I go right to bed. I can't keep up with myself. I have no idea what triggered all this besides the death of my friend Eric and how that was NOT supposed to happen. I've both of my best friends for 16 and 19 years and they were parts of me, like and arm or a leg.
What do you do without those?? I can't get them back and I refuse to make new ones. I don't want any one in.

I feel safe here which is good though. In a way, you all are not real (I don't mean that in a bad way) but you are not physically attached to me.
Sadly, I feel like I'm weeding this out of my life. I'm trying really hard not to. Right now, I can only do what I can. Please understand. Love ya'll

Loupiness · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Friend,

Have you ever tried meditation? I just recently started a meditation and relaxation class, and while I hate to admit that I am "failing" the meditation homework by falling asleep, the good news is that I am falling asleep! I hate nights, and regularly sleep 4-5 broken up hrs. Waking up in the middle of the night in the worst type of insomnia for me. When that happens I stick in my cd and am able to either focus my thoughts onto myself and the present, or fall asleep. Thus, the way I see it, my attempts at meditation have become a win-win situation for me.

I am sorry you have anxiety, bad dreams and sleepless nights. Sounds like your dreams are leading you in terms of what to do in regards to ex and your kids.

You are valued on this board and are missed when you stop posting. You are safe here.

Blessings,
Lou

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