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I was going to take a break from MIP but I just had to post this.
So, 2 weeks ago, my son and I had it out a little bit when I indirectly expressed my frustration with him not having gone to Alateen the for a bit.
He goes, comes out of the meeting, comes out w/ an commitment to read the preamble at the individual anniversary meeting.
We had a combined alanon / alateen business meeting because it's the groups anniversary next month. They are discussing speakers and finding them. His hand goes up and he volunteers to be the Alateen speaker ! ! ! Huh? My 11 yo. son just did what ?
I ask him after the meeting if he knows what he volunteers for. He says I think so. I said, remember the Men's meeting Anniversary last night, the two people that spoke ? He said 'yeah'. I said you volunteered to be one of those people to go up to the front of the room and speak. He replies, 'ok that is what I thought'. We had an issue where he might have had a conflict with soccer. I told him that's ok, we'll just ask that you go first or third around the game, he said GOOD !
On the way home I tell him that was really cool that he volunteered. He said, I don't know why I put my hand up. I did it without thinking. I said...you're HP must have moved you. He says, "I think my HP is stupid!" and laughs. I told him that he can invite his counselor from school since it is an open meeting. He thought that was really exciting and asked me to write the date, time and location down for him.
Now here is the fun part for me. What an interesting chance for me to work my program. I'm terrified ! LOL. What if he bails out at the last minute, what if his talk goes only 2 or 3 minutes, what if what if what if. I am soooo not minding my own business, I'm so not letting him go to mine and especially his HP. What if everyone <gasp> looks at ME if it goes wrong ! hahahaha
Funny we joked on the way home who'd get to tell mom. He wanted me to, because mom makes a big deal out of everything. LOL Well yeah...that's a mom thing. LOL He told her and said it worked out, she didn't make a big deal. Well I talked to her, she is nervous. She doesn't know whether to go or if her being out there will have him worry about her feelings and not share. She is also afraid of what he might say, not feeling ready to hear it I guess.
So....like I said in the reply to SB's thread, HP finds many ways for me to have a chance to practice the lessons.
Pretty cool.
Bob
__________________
You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
I can sure understand that kind of fear! Not knowing what your son is going to say about your home life and program..lol Out of the mouths of babes. Sucks to be you buddy! (hehe just kiddin)
I guess no matter what it can't be anything that anyone there hasn't heard or felt. Maybe he will run it by you or maybe ask for input. At least that way you will be prepared.
I bet he'll do a great job in any case and you'll be a proud Papa sitting there with your chest all puffed out thinking "That's my boy"!
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
that story is very heartwarming... i can't imagine what it must feel like to have such a loving and deeply thoughtfull parent. even if you were to totally blow it on the minding your business thing, it sounds like you would own that ....this is the esh that keeps me going. to read about such love shared, it is inspiring.
Hi Bo , well as a long time sponsor of alateen I can tell you , you never know what thier gonna say so buckle up hehe (God forbid they sometimes have issues with us too ) and giving him the freedom to say so is a gift he won't understand until he is alittle older. and traditionally teens either speak for 3 min orrrrrrrr have to be stopped with a hook . HA wish I could be there . One of my hardest but most satisfying hrs in Al-Anon came when my oldest son was 22 , he was having a really rough time finding his spot in life ,some of it I thought came from his growing up in our home ,fear , lack of self confidence u know the usual stuff , so I asked him one day if he would like to talk about growing up in our home durring the drinking yrs tell me how he felt etc and I told him if I tried to interupt him to stop me , this was his time . As I listened I wanted to say so many times NOOOO that is not the way it was but I remembered my promise so I shut up , he told me of wanting to commit suicide and i was totally stunned I was so pre ocupied trying to fix the alcoholic that I hadn't noticed his struggle . Hard to listen to , you bet but I can tell you that watching his face relax and his confidence in himself get stronger the longer he spoke I knew it was worth every min. I sat there that afternoon . We laughed that day and cried together as he sharred things he has never talked about before . His intent was not to hurt me but to explain how he felt and I knew that . Your son is much younger than my son was at the time and allowing him to give his version of what was going on will only instill trust and faith in your relationship Your both about to recieve a gift Bob. I truly wish I could be there .
Kim65 wrote: Is there anything harder to "face" than the effects alcoholism have on our kids?? Or if not alcoholism, just our own imperfections???
Christy said:
I can sure understand that kind of fear! Not knowing what your son is going to say about your home life and program..lol Out of the mouths of babes. Sucks to be you buddy! (hehe just kiddin) _______________________________
LOL, I'm not worried about what he might share about me. Some of my worse parenting moments have been shared in a meeting. My AW has not really come to terms w/ alot yet so it is terrifying for her.
Thanks Florrie, I do try to own it when I realize it ! I did admit that he was right that he should be the one to decide when to attend Alateen. I also told him I wouldn't even try to explain why I was upset with him not attending because it would sound like I was pressuring him. :)
Bob
__________________
You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
Oh bobump! I would've given anything to have had alateen when I was young! My dad went to AA meetings and us kids were banished to a little back room with a coke machine and a candy vending machine in it, back where the bathrooms were! We played games and drank cokes with peanut M&M's in it. But we didn't "get" anything to 'help us' with living at home! I remember it well! And I was just about 6 or 7 yrs old! They played bingo after the meeting. Once, at almost Christmastime, my mom won the blackout and yelled "BINGO!" and I knew she'd won. We weren't going to get Christmas that year , only I didn't know that until she won that bingo game! She bought all our presents and the dinner with her winnings, and that's the only good thing I remember coming out of those meetings! The fighting and all the behaviors still happened in our house until one day my dad just left! (Later on, I found out my mom asked him to leave) and then they divorced. Like Abby's son, I too sometimes felt like committing suicide, and cried a lot as a child. But back in the 60's they didn't explain things like this to children or get them help for their feelings, so I'm getting my help now as an almost 50 yr old(in feb)! I would've loved to have had the chance to talk to anyone about it who'd know what I was going thru and validate me! No matter what comes outta his mouth, it's his perception of the situation at home and between family members. It may hurt a lot, but I think it'll help him a lot!!! Validate his feelings and let him have them! In my house , and still in my life today, my family doesn't validate negative feelings, ie;no crying allowed, no 'bad' feelings allowed , etc. , you're supposed to always "act like" everything's great! Stuff it down inside!
But that only leads to many ills, HBP, depression, etc.
VALIDATE that young man, he will thank you for it! many times over! I'm so glad for him to have the chance to "voice " his perceptions to people who'll know exactly what he means and won't judge him, but will support him and thank him for sharing!
I wish I could be there to give him a standing ovation and clap until my hands are red! Go bump's son ! Go! CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP!!!
