The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It seems like the A is finally hitting a bottom he can't find a way out of. His current landlord is tired of his tantrum and his denial and his insistence that money is coming some day. She has issued him an order to get out. He insists he is staying. He refuses point blank to go to his uncles who would take him.
He is living in his dream world of money coming from the totalled truck. I paid the truck but somehow he has always insisted the truck is his. I went round and round and round trying to get the truck back from him legally and in the interim he totalled it. So his new plan is to buy another truck on the money he gets from this one and sail off into the sunset and eveyrthing will be fine. He is absolutely belligerant if anyone suggests any different.
I am sick and tired of his tirades and chaos and have told him I am not giving him his dog until he is stable. His reaction to that is to either raise his voice or try to woo me back. My housemates are adamant he is not getting into the house. If he were to come to my house he would be shown the door. He has nowhere to go but he is sitll adamant he is sailing off into the sunset. He is also awaiting trial for a hit and run and claims it was an "error" that he doesn't need to sort out.
This is him at his worst. He is absolutely unreasonable on every avenue. The good news is that I need to worry about nothing. I am not going to step in on any level. I have told his landlord I have nothing to offer. I have absolutely no doubt she'll move him out. Who wants someone unreasonable around who has nothing logical to say.
On many levels I wish he would just go to jail and get it over with. He's totally destroyed so much in his life and now it looks like he is going to lose his liberty. He told me over many garbled conversations on the weekend how fearful he is and how he needs time (for what I'm not sure) and how everything is unfair, the same old story he's always singing.
On some levels I am furious that he would just make arrangements to get the money for the truck when he knows I bought in. On another level I know he is destroying himself, the district attorney who is prosecuting him for hit and run has access to my many attempts to get the truck. They are fully aware the truck was not his. I am also convinced that no insurance company is paying anytihng as every time he's had an accident its always been deemed his fault. I am tried of second guessing, making right, helping out, remonstrating, helping, being sandwiched inbetween everyone else who he causes chaos for.
I have nothing more to say to him. I made it super clear to him today that he is unwelcome where I am. He recognizes that. At the same time I worry because he has an incredible knack at manipulating. I dont' see how he can get out of this one but he gets out of everything somehow.
I have now watched him destroy everything around him, his life, his finances, our belonings, our home, our truck everything. He still has not hit bottom. Maybe going to jail is his only option because he can't be rational for one second.
The unfortunate fact is some never hit bottom, maybe the ending of life is the bottom for some, this I question all the time lately...
Dear friend, I can hear and feel your pain, as sad and hard as it is, please find a way to take care of you.... my husband is dead due to addiction, I still wonder why??? question how??? and ask myself where the bottom was....
Still, the only answer that comes is death was his bottom and his way to escape from the torment and to gain some peace....how sad is this...
I am still cleaning up the garbage left behind Marsie, please find some peace for you....try as hard as you can to hang on to your sanity....
My sanity is my pets. I strive every day to find a way to make a better life for them. I hold onto that I can find a better place for them. Debilyn always encouraged me to try to find a way to have them. Now I do I can let go of the A, the truck (he totalled it) the money, the house, whatever. He has nothing to hold over me anymore.
They keep me sane with their antics and their love and their need for sanity. I have no idea how I am going to create a home for them I just know I will.
Mary, I think some of our As are deeply disturbed people . . . with alcohol and drug problems. Getting sober doesn't eliminate the underlying mental stuff. Whatever it is. Maybe it's mental illness, or they just give up, who knows?
I don't have any contact with my exA but we have mutual friends so I hear this and that. According to them he's in a state much like your A is . . . La La Land, broken down, penniless, and still waiting for me to make up my mind about him.
I care, and I'm admittedly very, very wary of him, he's unpredictable and capable of violence. But it's best for me that I know nothing of his life. I guess the only reason I "want" to know is so I can know I made the right decision. But it's so easy to get hooked into him and he's not even anywhere near me! It gets real old.
My sanity is animals too. I found homes for two puppies, and have six more to go. My cat had a kitten I'm keeping for her two weeks before the pups were born. You'd think all these babies would be the definition of insanity! But that is so NOT what I feel taking care of them, just enjoying the little brats while they are here. So I'm with you there, and my house is *not* a house, more like a cabin, so more or less, I understand your space concerns with all the animals and stuff! Thank HP for Arm and Hammer carpet deoderizer! These are the things I'm grateful for.
Thank god you got out even tho what you are going thru is difficult. I was happy that you found a way to have your pets. Mine are everything to me. I just pile them on because they love me for sure.
I too am happy that you found a way to look after the children, another word for your pets, I have a cat called claude and he's just the bees knees. I know the scenario with the A, I went up the north to get parts for a car over the weekend, oh my god, we drove there and he had not bothered to ask where the place actually was, and objected when I suggested ringing them to find there location which I eventually did. They could convince you of anything, ex-a is ripping me off big time, on the qt, and its only now when the mud is hitting the fan that I can see it. As for the tantrums, I detach now, even if it means completely ignoring him as I did when I got in stressed last night, there is only so much anyone can take. I'm proud of you for taking responsibility for the pets, it would have been so much easier for you to abandon them, but you didn't, good for you.
I can't agree more with Andrea. What we think should be their bottom is so different from what their's is. For some, that is death or jail or something else. I hear from your voice that you are now strong enough not to let him manipulate you. The key to that I believe, is to work a strong program. The more you work yours, the healthier you become. The stronger you become. Stay focused on you. How he views reality, frankly is none of your business, nor your concern. Do what is best for you. Recovery is about taking back your life and living the life that is best for you. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I wouldn't count on that being his bottom. I would just not worry about what his bottom is and be thinking constantly about you and what you are going to do to make your life better. I don't really understand the whole money for the truck thing? Is this thru insurance or is he selling the remains? I'm lost on that part! I would think that you would be able to do the same and if he does go to jail that would be an excellent time.
Are you starting to see him in a different light now that you're away from it all? It took me a while to change my perspective but it finally happened. Sometimes I think it's so hard living in reality when I had been living in his fantasy world for so long. Granted, sometimes the fantasy worked out but I realize now that I wasn't really me, even when things were great! Today I wanted to call in sick but upon thinking didn't want to waste a sick day if I wasn't half dead so took a pill and went to work for the kiddies! Now that's reality and sometimes it bites but at least I know if I do what I'm supposed to things will work out to my benefit because I am living in reality.
