The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The good run ended last night after 34.8 days. He supposedly went to an AA meeting at 7 pm, got home a little after 8. Football game on TV at 8:15. Daughter and I went to bed at 8:30 after busy weekend. Heard him go out to his car (red flag), comes back in house and I hear cough/crack of can opening. I get up and go downstairs to "get a bottle of water for daughter." Did not check personal motivation and asked AH when sponsor would be back from vacation. He snaps at me knowing he has been busted. I say nothing, go back to bed. He comes in at 11 and gets in bed with me and daughter. I get up and go to spare room. Get up this morning and there are 2 empty cans of Steel Reserve (24 oz. 8% alcohol beer) in garbage. He is not going to his home meeting today.
I feel like sticking his 30 day coin up his nose. I feel sick to my stomach. Detaching, not saying anything, going about my business, praying, working my program. :(
I know that feeling all too well. Hubby is a chronic relapser. When I realized he relapsed after a year it broke my heart. I came home yesterday and I suspect he's been at it again. I don't know what's going to happen. All I can do is stay in the present and focus on me. Not an easy thing to do. I know I'm done being angry, but other than that who knows? All I can do is pray he finds his way out of this. I can do the same for yours. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Sorry that happened. I feel like I can never trust it not to happen again, that's why I left. It's hard when they do good for a while and then bam there it is again. Mine was a binge drinker so he'd be fine for 6 or 8 mos and then disappear for 3 or 4 days. I know how disappointing that is when you start to trust again and it's violated. Sorry.
Hi babysteps, I love ur handle / nick. Baby steps are all I can do here now for me and the a-s in my life, that is to work my program for me.
It is my program. It, to recover in this disease is me focused, not to any a, however to me and me (well, to my h.p. focused, to be sure. The a-s keep changing masks, so my program must b flexible to allow me room to grow per me, not per the a - however they change what mask they wear.
Since this is a to me training it is baby steps I have to take to make it - not to the a or what game / baiting they play.
The best to you in your journey to you - its gratitude I am learning to wander to - not the my way - its all h.p. focused. Again, not to the a-game focused.
gentle paths n light n love to you and all :) and oceans of love 2! getoverit
I'm sorry, Babysteps. However you need to take care of you and the kid(s) is just plain OK.
Glad you're detatching and letting go, working your program. How we all know "saying something" is so tempting, seems so right . . . but detatching gives him the "opportunity" to not lash out and blame anyone but himself.
I told my exA after he'd relapse that the BEST place to go was back to AA, of all people, they understand and will welcome him back. He really did think they would hate him or be so disappointed they'd reject him. It was a projection of how he felt about himself.
Keep in touch, and do something really nice for yourself today, even if you don't feel like it.
Sadly, relapse is part of the disease. All you can do is to keep the focus on you, protect yourself from the aspects of drinking that you really hate, and let go of the rest.
Good for you for not saying much. A home with a drunk in it is not great, a home with a drunk and a non-drunk fighting is even worse.
Your post brought back tons of memories. "I remember doing that" I thought when I read your reaction to his popping of the beer can. Actually before I learned to let go and truely detatch from the disease, that "pop" of a carbonated can...beer or soda could make me jump almost out of my skin. It took soooo much determination not to run into the kitchen or wherever to see what it was that she was hitting on. Geeeeez louise I couldn't get off her back! I said the same stuff too and my alcoholic reacted much the same way as yours did. Guilt and shame; she often wore those more than anything else. When I got detachment down then she had a reaction. She got flipped out that I wasn't going to join in on the fray and once told me, "come on now, we've always done it (the reaction dance/enabling waltz) together. But I had learned to let go just before she got home from the AA meeting that never was. Now you could almost set off a canon next to my ear in the still of day or night and I won't hardly flinch. Thank you God. Thank you Al-Anon.
Was I ever so sure it was a beer only to find out it was a diet whatever? You betcha!! I needed a leash.
