The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I apologise for not being here. Please feel free to email me privately if you feel a need.
Have made a majordecision to finish the legal sep and divorce my AH. He actually died after his brain surgery anyway. It is more apparent than ever.
We just never know how horrible things can go wrong in this world. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought both my husbands would die in my life time.
I have had a man in my life, friend as usual from high school. He has been around working on the farm. Been very off balancing for me.
It is taking time to get used to a man/person around. HE has stayed over, however stay at the main house. I am a very true Christian and will not disappoint my creator.
Anyhow, I love you guys, just really digging in preparing for winter, making secure fences, after having everyone get out but the horses!!!! I am NOI kidding. Estersue the big piggie got into the neighbors feed... has now discovered a corns.... gads.
The llamas ran down the road to visit the neighbors llamas.... goats have been munching along the side of the road and walking off with the people who are on walks going by.. no they are NOT shy.
All the work is wonderful. And thankyou hp for People skills. Having a man around has me in a twitter. lol He has things to work out, is right now a friend. I have to hold back so much to allow him to find his own answers....yikes.
The wilder single life, he has never been married, is not so fulfilling anymore, nor is the drama, and worldly woman drama.
Here I am natural hippie lady who just is a rosey cheeked lady who knows how to use a hammer, chain saw and do plumbing, and build about anything......of COURSE that makes me so attractive...Must be weird for a man to see a lady in her old shorts and tank tops all dirty from building winter quarters, to lose flowing dresses, natural jewelry and hair sorta partially pulled up and coming down....
Anyway fall is sooo busy. Gotta keep my piggy buns warm. got the fence up so they cannot get into my OWN garden area. It is so neat. Just one piggy, spikeroni is in it as he is handicapped.
Anyway trust in Al Anon and each others experience. Focus on what is real. LOVE yourselves.
Your servant in Al Anon, love,debilyn the one with all the scratches from chasing her goat and sheep in the briars...ug with the sheriff who thankfully likes me....
Do I hear . . . happiness and maybe some joyfulness here too? :D :D :D
Sounds like you've been given to go ahead to "move on" . . . wherever you go, it sounds like it's time to drop what's passed.
Tonight my goats were NO WHERE so I drove out to the front gate for a panicked search and there they were, waiting, twenty something sets of eyes shining back at me in the head lights. Got lost on the other side of the fence, browse is not so tasty this time of year. Maybe it tastes better over at the neighbors?
You know we miss you when you aren't here but who could blame you :D
thank you Kim. lol goats goats goats....lol they are such a caution, mischevious creatures who think nothing of stepping on your head, sticking their heads into the fifty pound feed sack you are trying to carry to them, jumping up with hoovies on your tummy back and legs.....
Um I am happy I guess. For reasons of moving fw. and knowing even if I never see Tim and am alone again, I will be fine. Would LOVE a mate again, husband. however am ok alone until if and when it comes.
Alanon taught me that to allow someone to grow on their own is so important. Plus to me it is also maturity. If I think he may be at his ex's house, I am NOT going over there. He has to figure it all out.
Whatever that is. And I have to not be intimate with him or anyone until it is a real commitment and I KNOW he is a good one.
I do not mind one tiny bit when he tells me the truth. I love it. He is a bit taken back by me I guess. NO games, will not get into drama, want him to figure out things on his own. It is almost like he cannot believe I really love him as is. IF he chooses to do something I think is ignorant or dumb, it is his choise and I have NO desire to stop that.
How will he learn if I step in? If he ends up finding he wants me someday, I want him to know for sure. If not then good too. I love being friends first. so cool.
How people can well uno so fast. yuck. Takes a looong time just to make a friend. sigh three dates and ? yuck. If you don't want to chew their gum then why would ya do THAT?? haha
Kim I love you. AND a man I know may be coming to work in idaho. soooo when I get my normal pickup... guess where I will head, to you and you can help me sneak up on him!!! We can have our farmer lady cloths on... smell like goats,,, he will never notice us....hugs, me
Just let me know and I'll send directions :D just don't be afraid of heights when you come up the mountain to get to my place!
Say, you can run a chainsaw??? I should take this to pm . . . I have a 24" and it looks like an evil orange monster and I'm afraid of it . . .
My bucks are in rut, you should be able to find us by SMELL alone once you cross the Columbia River. Once your eyes start watering you know you are getting close :D .
Amen to the "so fast" thing . . . I never listened to myself here, thought I was sexually screwed up for "not wanting" sex for sex's sake. The other person's gum is a great metaphor, eww.
One thing I feel I've solidly learned after the whirlwind beginning to my relationship with the exA is that "whirlwind" is NOT a good sign at all. It is not organic, doesn't follow the natural progression of things. Time time time . . . instant gratification has little or no place when considering a new life partner. Having the "hornies" is just our bodies operating without our hearts and minds. Perhaps this is part of Christianity's injunction against wanton sexuality. We are animals but MORE, and that's what HP wants for us, to be more.
It hasn't been "that long" for me, being without a husband or partner, so I still feel an aversion to being with anybody that way. Knowing myself, I'll be interested again (hopefully no time soon though) and I'm going to come to you and have you tell me what you are doing right now, just in case I get nutz.
Debilyn: That grief is a tough one. I grieved the relationship I was supposed to have with the A for years before I ever left him. Then I felt so much fear I would not make it on my own. Now I have no such fear. In fact I relish being on my own. I have no idea how I will pay off the debt but somehow I will.
I am so happy to know that things are getting better for you. I know how you have struggled to keep that place. I am also happy your animals are doing so well. My pets are doing well and we manage somehow in the tiny space we have. I have no idea what I will do next, how I will do it or where I will find the strength. I know I have done as much as I can for the A. I am all for taking it slow in a relationship there are no guarantees and the most important relationship is the one I have with HP.
IT is great hearing how you are doing, even though there is some sadness to the things you have no control over. I thought about you when my alzheimer mom and I went to the fair for only 2 hours. We had time to see a pig show and it was great! You would have loved these pigs. They even had a baby one doing tricks at about 7 weeks old! They are so smart. Since May 29th I have been mostly with my parents while dad has had 5 heart operations! He got staff infection after the second one and the incision got staff in it. WE finally took him to Minneapolis to a hospital that had a lazer machine to take out the embedded wires in his heart! They were infected. Then they put new wires in and that was tough. The final surgery they doctor had to put another wire into his heart that almost didn't go in and then his 9th defibrulator/pacemaker! He was on a medication that cost 150.00 a day and sent back home. I was like a nurse and caretaker of both parents! Mom and I stayed in a hotel for 2 weeks while he was in the hospital fighting for his life. He is home now with an nurse coming everyday to change the bandages on his huge hole in his chest that had the staff. And a week ago he needed 3 units of blood! The doctors there forgot to tell us a side effect of this medication was that it stopped his body from making his own blood! Yikes! I am now home helping my daughter get ready for the birth of her baby :) If all goes well, my mom and dad can manage without me for awhile. It is hard to say with this rollercoaster of life I have been on. She is due the end of Oct. and it is a very active girl. She has been clean and sober over a year in June. I went to my own treatment hospital out of state in april and may. It is time to get back on track for my own self now. It has been hard being the only child to help out her ill parents. I remember hearing how you layed with your grandmother and how touched I felt then. Oh it is hard to watch a person's brain die in stages. It is hard to feel HP around at those times too. I miss you and am glad you still have the farm and animals. cdb
