The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
At present I am supervising two students with their theses, one has been lax but has the work done, the other whom I had been quite friendly has annoyed the hell out of me but I calmly dealt with her today. Her life is a constant drama, and though she says she has the work done, she finds it difficult to take any correction. I have had to set boundaries with her as quite frankly I am starting to dislike her manipulative habits. Give me the strength to deal with her fairly and to supervise her in a professional way.
I'm having the same issues with my MIL with the A about to get out. Do I have any of his clothes, what about his boots, she has to find him a place to go when he gets out, today it was do I have his resume. The big baby has to have everything handed to him because GOD forbid he have to struggle!!! Anyway, I'm annoyed with her at the moment and so sick of her manipulation and rescuing and interfering but she is what she is and I accept her as such. I try to tell her to let him be and figure out his own mess but she just can't stop herself. I guess that's all the longer it will be for him to figure things out on his own but I can't control her just as I can't control him. This too shall pass...
At least you are aware of your feelings. You just can't like everybody, it's impossible. There are techniques you can use when dealing with people you don't like. Do a google search and it will pull up a few for you to try. Good luck. :)
I've done my share of manipulating. I would do anything almost anything to get the A to notice me. Now I barely talk to him I have a great sense of boundaries today. I had none most of my life.
I am grateful to be able to talk about it rather than seethe in resentment night and day or realise ten years later I let someone in past where they can go. I still have to work on them but I'm so much better than I was. I am proud of you for being able to set them.
"Her life is a constant drama, and though she says she has the work done, she finds it difficult to take any correction." - Sounds like she is an adult child of an alcoholic. This really struck a chord with me because these are a couple of the characteristics of an ACOA. The ability of not handling criticism is a sign of low self-esteem. I don't know if this would work, you are allowed to, or willing to, but could you ask her if she would like to talk to a counselor because it sounds like she is having problems coping. Just my opinion. Best of luck to you. It's difficult dealing with other people's character defects.
