The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Why is it that now, when things are harder for me well financially anyway that I feel more greatful for everything than I ever have?
Why is it that when I was first single I was desperate for a man and now that I have been single longer and should be lonelier I could care less about finding a guy?
Why is it that when I was with the a and had twice as much money, freedom and time I hardly did anything and now that I have more responsibility, less money and time I get more done and have nicer things?
Why is it that when he would be gone for a few days I would think of nothing but him and now that he's been gone for a few months I can hardly stand to let the thought of him enter my mind?
I know the most important thing I have learned in the past year is what I like and dislike, what's important to ME and what's not. I wasn't me I was like a 3rd arm of him. I like living at the beach, I like not being responsible for the yard, I like different tv shows than I did, I like visiting with people and making friends.
Have less appreciate more ? - maybe it's not so much the possesions and the things but the types of energies that manifested those things in your life. If I stole every material thing and lived a live of luxury but had all this guilt, would I appreciated it? The things you have now are from your own hands and work, and the pure love and thoughtfulness of others. Those pieces of furniture that people gave you or helped deliver have far more love than anything that was purchased by you for someone that couldn't even love himself.
Loneliness. Could it be that now your keeping yourself company? Your no longer looking to fill a void. At least that is what it is w/ me.
twice as much money, freedom and time vs. more responsibility, less money and time I get more done and have nicer things? This is an interesting one for me. When my A is not around, my house runs smoother, I get more down around the house myself. Maybe it's because I don't feel as if I'm picking up after her. Maybe it's because I think now that she is home she can do something to help out. I don't know. As for the nicer things....see question 1. :)
not able to stand the thought - I've been there from always worrying. To pure and simple anger and a total rehash of the past when thinking of her. Today when I think of her, I try to picture her in the light of my HP, picture my hands giving her up and doves carrying her away and letting her HP take care of her.
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You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
Before you can like, love or enjoy something or someone else you first have to like, love and enjoy yourself
Finding out who you are is a journey, an awsome one. Once you start, there is just that place where you find that you are satisified, it's within yourself, and no one gives that to you. You have it find it.
For me that's the place I realized that I didn't need anyone to "complete" me, that I am whole -- that whoever is in my life compliments me and hopefully I them. That way too, if someone leaves my life, I may miss them but they were never what made me "whole."
I'm happy for you, it's really an awsome place to be.
CG, this is a great thread. It hits on something fundamental about "why we stay" when we should "leave".
It's a huge leap of faith to believe if we let go of the life we are familiar with that we will end up where you are now.
For me, I had to realize NOTHING could be worse than living with my particular exA and having his disease bash me to death anymore. Even the hard water stains in my toilet don't make me nuts, it's MY toilet now and I can prioritize the hard water stains as I please.
I let my satellite TV "go" in my current financial sitch, which was HARD, so I watch movies or have a movie "on" for noise. I brought the big computer downstairs so I can sit in my "spot" on the couch and be with the dogs/puppies and listening outside to the livestock while I'm online, rather than sequestered away. I eat what and when I want, and I don't need "that much" of anything, I realize.
What I needed was to have a peaceful life of my own making. Not in "response" to having lived seven years with an emotional terrorist, but because this is what life is about.
I know I sure needed your reminder, and I thank you much for posting this :)
Great post, CG. I think Luna is right, and Kim, too. It is fundamental to this program that we learn how to be whole individuals, not just and appendage to someone else. Most people don't like to be alone because they can't stand the company. We are learning to be our own best friend, to never be alone by ourselves.
QOD- I think we go through times when we are in and out of this stage. Enjoy it when you are there, and strive for it when you are not. It will happen more and more as we work our program for ourselves.
Thank you for this thread.
All of you have a wonderful day. I am going to town to pay a couple of bills (Yeah!) and pick up feed.
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Great post. Of course I am not where you are. Today I am thoroughly discontent because its not all my way. I do relate to not wanting to know about the a though. I've detached. That was a huge pieceof work and I had to get the pets away from hm to do that.
I hope your life continues to grow in leaps and bounds. Your social life sounds great.
