The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was afraid your post might get lost in the thread on first meetings, so I started a new thread.
It's great that your fiance is asking for help, and great that you are there for him. Be aware that as his recovery progresses, he may no longer want you to go to every meeting with him - and that's okay. His recovery is about him, just as your recovery - from the effects of living with so much craziness of the disease - is about you. Alanon meetings will help you in YOUR recovery, through the ups and downs of other things going on. Do keep coming back, and welcome.
I hope that he does decide to go to meetings alone eventually, or with someone that attends meetings as well. He is scared about the whole meeting thing, so he wants me there for a while... im guessing to make him comfortable.
I am a sufferer of panic disorder (Severe) and any help with this issue of my fiance is greatly appreciated.
Question: Is it normal for A's to be very affectionate still, a good provider, good father, etc.? See he goes down the pipe on the weekends and at concerts when he feels he has no responsibilities.... and I have never seen him pass up a beer.
Glad you are here. I can share my experiences - my AH is able to function at work and areas of public view. It is no longer a positive experience at home as father, spouse, isolates from friends as his drinking of 20 years ago started on weekends, concerts, then evenings and just continued to progress. It's all business or it's home where he isolates from family now. Cuts back and cycles to worse, over and over. His tolerance is so high I can not tell when he drinks until it's bam, over the top quick... sneaks up on him, I guess and then very obvious.
I too have anxiety issues that have now progressed to panic attacks. I was able to learn a great deal when I was finally persuaded to utilize an out patient anxiety clinic a few years ago rather than end up inpatient. The most difficult for me is as he tries to cut back and things are going better - I never know when or where he will get off this better cycle and get worse which makes me anxious. When things are worse it is easy to be anxious a lot. This is one way Alanon has really helped me to change my focus on what I want to do and detach with love from the A.
So now when I can detach, focus on myself with less anxiety/feeling reponsible about his actions and results I actually feel better physically. I can have bad bouts of IBS related to anxiety that have almost all gone away since I started al anon this past summer. When I do start to panic, using al anon tools to focus on myself and not him, it is easier and more efficient for me to use the tools to control my panic that I learned at the OP clinic.
I'm not sure if this helps so take what you want and leave the rest. Keep coming back - it works. hugs, ddub
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"Choices are the hinges of destiny." Pythagoras You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
