The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I know as long as I am engaged in the A's chaos I am not dealing with my own stuff. I don't much like the amount of debt I'm in. I was certainly in debt before the A and I separated. Now afer helping him for a few motnhs I'm in even more. I pulled teh plug on helping across the board. While I never in a million years believed I would get the dogs and a place to live (albeit realy really minimal) I am really struggling. I'm looking at years of debt repayment and marginal living. There is a light at the endo fthe tunnel but its years away.
Boy oh boy do I understand the debt business. I did not have much debt 2 years ago. There was joint debt that I paid off to clear my name and separate things from him. But since then, trying to survive I have gotten huge amounts of debt. I spent 1 whole year juggling finances while still living w/him and him NOT working. Shew...that kicked my butt. Then out on my own, supporting 2 kids and still helping my AH out from time to time and not getting any money in from him really did me in. I DID have a 5 year pay-off plan but don't see that happening. I am more in the 20 year pay off plan now. Hang in there.
My newly sober AH has been talking a lot about acceptance. There is a big difference between acknowledging a problem and accepting the reality of it. We can't act until we accept. Though it is not often pleasant, it is the beginning of positive change. Babysteps
PS. I am in debt up to my ears too, I can relate to the burden :(
I find that sometimes I have to let things go, it is what it is and sometimes cash is more necessary than credit. I have tons of credit I rarely use but my credit score is horriffic because of that truck! I have just waited the seven years for things to drop off in the past and looks like that's what is going to happen this time too.
I don't have the horrific stuff because my payments are late. I do have the truck abyss though. The A has crashed our truck. He claims the insurance company is going to repair it but it never gets repaired. He says he is stuck where he is because of that. The truth is he has options he doesn't exercise them. he could go live in a VA program for example. He has to wait out the court stuff too. Now he is off on his I am moving fantasy. I've been there done that and am certain I am not going to indulge that for one second.
I have paid off what I can on the credit cards and continue to do it. I also continue to work and am adding an extra job this holiday season. i am exhausted but not in a sea of frustration and anger the way I have been for years. I have to count my small blessings in the way of my pets.
