The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
About a month ago I posted that I had decided that no matter how bad my AH was, I wouldn't say anything. Watching him go downhill was so hard, but I held firm with the knowledge that interfering with his drinking over and over throughout the years did not stop the drinking, only created an emotional disaster area in the house.
Well...tomorrow my AH will have 30 days and 29 meetings in a row!!!! He has never done that before with the exception of rehab 2 years ago (he relapsed 5 days after coming home).
I am not saying that my detachment is the reason he has found sobriety, but it didn't hurt like interfering did. My butting out allowed him to reach his own conclusions at his own time for his own reasons. He didn't even tell me until he had been sober for about 5 days and had been to 4 meetings (he started meetings on day 2). He told me he finally accepted that he has no control over his drinking and he was "firing himself and hiring his HP." I have been completely supportive, but still detached. I don't ask if he went to a meeting, I don't ask anything. He talks when he wants to and he keeps to himself what he needs to.
Although I know he is early into recovery, he plans to do 90 in 90 and I believe he will. He has a great sponsor, has made friends at his meetings, is losing weight, sleeping great, getting along well with me...he is seeing how much better life is and so far has no desire to go back to his previous life. We are like newlyweds and our 7-year old is in heaven.
Congrats to you and AH!! I agree that taking my hands off of my AH's drinking and drugging completely and getting busy with my own recovery is what aided the bottom to come like a torpedo. When it hit it was so painful for everyone, but it had to happen. I see that now. Today I have better boundaries in place for me and my family. I know I cannot tolerate active A'ism in my home any longer and hopefully AH is seeing the benefits of the Promises from the program.
So glad your AH and you are feeling the benefits. As it says some come quickly others very slowly but the benefits do come. With this program and our HP anything is possible. My AH will have 6 months on the 24th of this month!! Things are not perfect but they are not where they were either. We are all much saner and happier in the home that is for sure. Keep detaching with love you are doing awesome.
Peace, Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
You are doing so great. I had to get my A out of the house in order to detach and let him hit bottom. It is so hard, and when he is here it is just to painful. Also I had set the no active use boundary and had to stick to it for me and the kids.
My AH now has three wks sober today and a sponsor. He is doing great and I think I am too. I was surprised at how calmly I handle the separation for the most part. It wasn't perfect but amazingly better than the last time.
I am so proud of you and hopeful for your hubbys program.
It does work if you work it.
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Well done for both of you! I'm telling you the best post I ever saw here (and there have been lots of them) was Abbyal's post: "Am I ready for sobriety?" I read your post to hubby and he smiled. His relapse this past time has been sporadic. He got a good year under his belt, so I feel confident that he will find his way back. All I can do is work my program and let him find his way. Just for today he's sober and that's great. I wish both of you continued success. Enjoy the sober times with your family. Give hubby a hug from me, and tell him a crazy woman says "Keep up the great work!" Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
