The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I know I haven't posted much, I have replied, I have taken breaks, and I have sat quietly and read. It is time for me to post.........
A couple weeks ago, where I live, I heard late at night, on the scanner, that someone had found a man electricuted by a transformer and was laying on the ground in the sub station. He was alive, but in bad shape. When the story hit the paper the next day, my heart sank. People had posted such awful comments about this. The mans wife posted, defending her husband. He was a drug addict, went into recovery, was doing great for 18 months and they rented to drug users, not knowing. It was too soon in his recovery to have this in front of him and he went back to doing drugs. My heart sank even deeper. Knowing the life that this woman lived, for it was like my life. They have children, she loved him, and tried to help him.
My A was out doing his thing during this time and came home the day after this. I wanted him to leave, I was so sick and tired of the roller coaster. I was scared because this summer he showed every symptom of using Crystal Meth and Crack. I read about Crystal Meth and I was scared. I didn't have any energy left for him. I didn't want to be part of his recovery, if that is what he ever would choose. I just wanted OUT and off the ride. Then than that night, I watched a 28 minute discussion on Youtube about Crystal Meth. The people doing the discussion were from politics, rehabs and users. They were discussing about the drug, effects and rehab and how bad it is, but the way they spoke did something to me. It made me feel bad for my A. That now, he had to deal with these effects ontop of addiction. I went into the bedroom, he was out cold sleeping. I got a pillow and layed next to him and I rubbed his face, his eyebrows, his head. I felt his bones, he has lost so much weight because of the drugs. He has no meat, I felt his arms, chest, stomache and legs and I cried and cried. He never woke up because he was awake for so many days before. As I cried, I prayed, I asked God, WHY? Why did it come to this. And then I prayed, for him to beat this and to not die on me and the kids. I feel asleep next to him with my hand on his head. The next morning, I woke up, and everything seemed brighter, calmer, more peaceful. I felt AWESOME!!!! I was calm, in a great mood and it felt soooooo good. I had realized that I put him in God's hands. I handed him over to God, while I was crying, praying and feeling his skin and bones, the night before. Granted we had 4 great days after that... he was home and part of the family and it was so nice. But it didn't last. He went back out for days again last week. I read the electrictuted man's obituary in the paper on Monday. I cried. He had died, his battle was over, the disease had beat him and took him away from his wife and family. I prayed that this would not happen to us. My A appeared on Monday night, he wasn't acting right. He seemed very depressed, and when I asked, his answers were " what does it matter?". I was nervous, I have read that Meth can increase thoughts of suicide. He finnally came in the house a few hours later. I didn't bother with him much, I knew he was dealing something and I didn't want him to have to deal with anything else. We all went to sleep, but he didn't sleep, I kept waking up and he was up and probably had gone back out a few times. The next morning, I did my thing,I was nice to him, got the kids up and to school. When I got back home, he was there. I asked him if I could talk to him, he said yes. I told I was freaked out. I told him the story about the man who had just died because of drugs and I told him, while crying, that I didn't want to loose him to drugs, too. To my surprise...... he had decided during the night before, that it was time for him to get help, time for him to go into rehab. I had been waiting 9 years for this!!!!!!!! He told me he was just done with the drugs. I was soooooo happy, and I told him, and I told him that the kids will be so happy to have their dad back in the near future. I supported him and I convinced him to see our Primary Dr. He went to see him. Our Dr. gave him medicine to help with the withdrawels and to call the Rehab. to get in. He did !!!! All on his own. I was shocked, I never thought he would ever do this!!!!! It took two days of calling and calling for a bed, but I brought him on Thursday. He is in Detox. He has been calling ALOT !!! I attended the family meeting that night, and I had all positive to say, not negative. I want to stay positive, I know that this may not work, but then again... it may. I feel so good, I actually miss him abit. But it is so busy with the kids, the time has flown by. I told him to be honest, to get all he can out of being there, that he is a good man, and he is strong and he can beat this. I told him I was so proud of him and I loved him. And even though it wasn't long ago that I said that I would have nothing to do with his recovery, that I have no strenghth left............. I do, I have strenghth, and I will be part of his recovery. I still live day by day, and hour by hour, minute by minute. This could change, but right now, this is how it is. And I feel awesome and full of hope. I never thought this day would come and it is here and I am enjoying it!!!!!! So, if you made it this far, in this very long post. Thank you. Thank you for being here for me. Please say some extra prayers for me and my kids and also, my A. (((((((((((((( MIP Family ))))))))))) Prayers and hugs, Kim
I so hope and pray your family gets the miracle of sobriety. The great thing is it was his decision. That's the way it has to be. Keep us posted. I'm really happy for all of you.
Christy
__________________
If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
miracles in progress here's one, how wonderful!!!!!!!!! it gives us all hope that this really can happen and we will hope that this recovery will be everything it can be for you and all of your family
hugs, ddub
__________________
"Choices are the hinges of destiny." Pythagoras You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
