I found this when I was looking into this topic.  Also found out you can be a grandchild of an A with parents that don't drink but have the same ways of doing things for example perfectionism etc.

Here are some of the characteristics commomly shared by Adult Children of Alcoholics   (ACoA) /spouses/friends of alcoholics and other dysfunctional processes:


The following are some of the characteristics, agreed upon
by one Alanon-Acoa group, that result in problems in our lives.

a. We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures;

b. We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process;

c. We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism;

d. We either become alcoholics, marry them, or both, or find another
   compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick
   abandonment needs;

e. We live life from the viewpoint of victims and are attracted by
   that weakness in our love and friendship relations;

f. We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier
   for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves. This enables
   us not to look too closely at our faults, etc.

g. We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of
   giving in to others;

h. We became addicted to excitement;

i. We confuse love and pity and tend to "love" people we can "pity"
   and "rescue";

j. We have stuffed our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have
   lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts
   so much; (DENIAL)

k. We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem;

l. We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and
   will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience
   painful abandonment feelings which we received from living
   with sick people who were never there emotionally for us;

m. Alcoholism is a family disease and we became para-alcoholics and took
   on the characteristics of that disease even though we did not pick up
   the drink;

n. Para-alcoholics are reactors rather than actors.

yes another one i am or should i say DEfintinely ws a reactor my whole life. i have many regrets and amends i have to make. i just felt like my life was out of control and then when things werent going my way that was it. watch out. i really have to make amends. i feel i am more responsible for the way my daughter turned out even more so than i realized. even more than i have already admitted to. poor kid. i love her more than i love  myslef and if i could take it all back and start over i would in a heartbeat.
i know  i ramble alot on here. this is where i go to let it all out no matter how sporadic it is, just so i can get it out of my head and onto something tangible. i can remember times that we would go all the way to new jersey and they would drink and party and i hope to god that my mom didnt actually take us in the car after drinking . i HOPE she had the sense to let it get out of her system and thats why she would be dragging us out so late to drive back home. i can remeber quite a few times that happened/ i remember one night she had to pull over a few times so my uncle (my dads brother) could puke. what kind of life is that for your kids to deal with? i am getting a little pissed at my mom for shit we have gone through. yeah maybe we had some fun with my cousins while they drank or whatever. but it wasnt that great obviously because i only remember this crap. and then there were other times when we actually lived in the house together finally years after my dad died, where we would go to my aunts house (my dads sister) and they would just sit there and drink and drink and drink and smoke smoke smoke. the walls were yellow there i hated going there. they had a two room apartment. and me and my brothers would go out there. they would get drunk and buy us stuff from the store downstairs woohoo. do something productive with your kids. wtf. yeah im getting mad. i never put all this together before . and guess what? after drinking we would get in the car and go home. i really hope my mom didnt just drink and drive. she didnt have any dui or anything like that i can remember. so maybe she did have the sense to let it out of her system before we left these places. anyway back to the list.
    i guess i did become afraid of people. i became depressed and thought people were better than me in middle school. if i was late to a class i would skip it just because i didnt want people to look at me. yeah they hd things i didnt. the clothes and shoes and haircuts.... my mm did try to give me these things i will give her that. but i had low self esteem at this point.
my daughter has a problem with authority figures. i know this is supposed to be my moral inventory but this put a red flag up when i read it. she will attack authority figures. she doesnt listen to the rules.
and i have a problem with criticism, i take it to heart or get defensive and so does my daughter. even though i havent seen her in along time. these are her problems. she will act out when criticize and i guess i have been known to do the same just not to the extreme that she has.
i dont know if i am frightened by angry people. i do know i get pissed at my ha hubby when he gets his little pissy moods and everything is my fault. i immediatley have to defend myself and it takes alot for me to keep my mouth shut. its something i have to work on i admit that.
 ididnt become an alcoholic. i married one. and i have been known in the teen years to drink but ibelieve it was just to have fun and be promiscuos,. hey im just being honest here.
and yeah i did pick up some ocd things as i mentioned before. the trichotillamania. the having to do things a certain number of times or something would happen bad. the perfectionism that my hair had to be done perfectly i would sit in the bathroom for hours  and if my hair wasnt right i would go nuts.that in turn would make me late for everything and it would escalate from there. my house had to be clean before i left to go anywhere. i am still kind of like that now and im carrying it onto my kids so i try but somedays i cant get over it. we have to clean before we go out side, or anywhere. and we have a two story house and i hate it! some days are good though. but most days i have to clean befre leaving and i hate it. they always say the housework will be there later enjoy life now. these things always made me late and they still do. my friends know that i will say i will be there a certain time but expect me to be late. its aprocrastination thing where i should be getting ready  to do something but instead i clean and then get ready. i am getting better at it though. little by little.day by day. its an anxiety also that i feel like some one is going to come over the day i dont clean and feel like im a dirty person. it doesnt help that this house is from the 1800's and i made my husband move us in before it was renovated so we could save money. big mistake. there are still open walls and so much to be done. but whatever. back to the list. i dont let anyone come here. any friends i met them somewhere. im embarrassed of htis house.its not like the places i had before where i would get compliments of the furniture, decorations etc. no matter how much i do here it doesnt look anybetter. lolit needs renovations and no one is allowed here till its done . isolation some days. stress the others trying to meet people on time takes extra work to get out of the house.
yeah i am a victim but am beginning to see that i could have made better choices. so i have lived in the view point of victim. maybe even playing the game in the beginning to make people feel sorry for me, just as i did when my dad died.
i have been nosey and trying to help people just so i didnt have to deal with my own shit. but guess what i have to deal with the old stuff or at least acknowlege this so i can get to deal with me no matter how painful the stuff is i have to deal with
 i did get guilty feelings when i didnt give in to certain people but now i know how to say no and i will not be manipulated
i have supressed my feelings/ and its hard to speak or know where to begin because its been held in for so long. the anger and rage and sorrow and guilt are all coming at once
i do judge myslef harshly. and i have low self esteem sometimes. but i am learning to take care of myslef again thanks to alanon i take the time do take care of me and i love it
yup i guess i am an acoa. and the funny thing is i did my birth chart the other day (astology and its said i would begin to look at my mom differently and im like probably because of all this stuff ) i hope i dont hate my mom. i love her and think she should have made other decisions regarding the kids (me and my brothers) but hey you work with what you have in this life and i am sure she feels the same i do. she may say if she had to do it all over again she would have made different choices. i do remember one time she told me she didnt regret having us but if she could do it all over again she wouldnt have had us or something to that effect im older now so i can understand i guess with my dad passing away  and the struggle she had and i know its niot her fault how i am .today. i have issues. who doesnt? we all had child hoods and i am sure we didnt grow up like leave it to beaver, so things could have been much worse. its all coming out now and im learning to cope and deal and understand why i am who i am and why i have reacted to things the way i have and how i can change the way i act for the better of myself and my children. i have so much more i can write. but i wont the last thing io wlll say is that my grandmother most likely had some a parents biological or adoptive i dont know she didnt and wouldnt talk about her childhood. knew she had a few sister but she would give us info on that either. but i am asssuming from the scar on her neck and the burn she had that alcohol or worse abuse was involved so she loved how she knew how, and the routne continued/ im glad im here and involved in alanon. i beleive the alcohol disease is running on both sides of my parents families for some time. im GLAD AND GRATEFul for alanon and you guys and now i will call my temporary sponspor while the baby is asleep still/ its funny my one day at a time today says not to remember that the bad times but to remember the good. but then i looked up step four and read all the pages on that. its all been bad memories, havent been able to do the good yet. i do know im a good person with good intentions and want to better myself. its work work work and im ready willing and eagerr to ddo it. one day at a time!!thanks for listening