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First of all, just wanted to thank you for all the kind responses from my last post. Ok so I've been going over and over it in my head and decided it's time to end this marriage. I really just can't do it anymore. I think I have put up with it for way too long. Things will never change with my AH and I don't want ti live this life anymore. It's not good for me and def. not good for my children. WE had it out the other night and he of course once again turned it all around on me. I know how it works. The things that he said hurt like hell such as "all HE had ever done was bust his butt for the kids and I. Giving us all he can. I never once said he hasn't. It's just the way he said it. Like we are a burden. And once again WHAT ABOUT ME???? I stayed home for the last 8 years taking care of him, children and this home. I took care of everything!!! Doesn't that count?? YES IT DOES. I told him I have had enough and that I don't wnat him anymore. All he can say was OK Good luck! GOOD LUCK?????? WHAT???? If anyone is going to need luck here it will be him. He thinks I won't be able to make it without him. Yeah OK. We'll just see about that. I know it's going to be very hard. but I d have a place to stay when it's all said and done. He won't! Well atleast not with anyone that will help. Maybe his drunken friends. I would love to stay here in this home but won't be able to afford it. Neither will he. so we will see what happens there. I have a plan...Going to move in with my parents. Don't want to but until I can afford a place of my own, that's what I'll have to do. And now that I'm working I'll be able to save up as much as I need to. The kids are going to hate it and I think that that's why I have stayed as long as I have. Not sure how to explain it to them yet. I figure it out. I want to go see a lawyer this week and find out exactly what steps I need to take and how much th edamage is going to be and go from there. I'm going to talk to AH today when he is sober and see if we can work this out without any bad situations for the kids sakes. I don't think he wants thes marriage to work anymore so why stay and deal with all this crap. Sometimes i can't help but think he does what he does so i will finally give up. I'm not giving up just getting out. It's time to take care of myself and children and as long as I stay I won't be able to do that. Not sure if you guys have read the lyrics that someone posted a couple of weeks ago. Fergie's "big girls don't cry" well I'm reposting it. It's the way I feel at this point in my life. Thanks for listening guys and wish me luck.
Da Da Da Da The smell of your skin lingers on me now Your probably on your flight back to your home town I need some shelter of my own protection baby To be with myself and center, clarity Peace, Serenity
[CHORUS] I hope you know, I hope you know That this has nothing to do with you It's personal, Myself and I We've got some straightenin' out to do And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket But Ive got to get a move on with my life Its time to be a big girl now And big girls don't cry Don't cry Don't cry Don't cry
The path that I'm walking I must go alone I must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay
[CHORUS] I hope you know, I hope you know That this has nothing to do with you It's personal, Myself and I We've got some straightenin' out to do [ Big Girls Don't Cry lyrics found on http://www.completealbumlyrics.com ] And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket But I've got to get a move on with my life Its time to be a big girl now And big girls don't cry
Like the little school mate in the school yard We'll play jacks and uno cards Ill be your best friend and you'll be mine Valentine Yes you can hold my hand if u want to Cause I want to hold yours too We'll be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds But its time for me to go home Its getting late, dark outside I need to be with myself and center, clarity Peace, Serenity
[CHORUS] I hope you know, I hope you know That this has nothing to do with you It's personal, Myself and I We've got some straightenin' out to do And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket But I've got to get a move on with my life Its time to be a big girl now And big girls don't cry Don't cry Don't cry Don't cry
Golly gee I loev that tune another great coping tune i m h o is do not call me ( when you are drunk ).. Can not say I have the words as well, however, recovery themed music seems to reflect the social consciousness of our times. May the force b with u n I'm happy you have ur family to turn to! Oceans of love, getoverit
A lot of us have come to the same decision Silvana . . . and I've heard the same advice over and over: Carry on with your plan, and expect anything. Beware of what you expect your A will do, or not do. Try and get clear by journaling or talking with another Alanon about how you *think* he'll respond when you take action. It's easy to get thrown for a loop if you think he will, for instance, suddenly go into rehab (or hope he will), or if he gets aggressive and begins to threaten you. Be ready for anything, in other words.
Stay close to your support system, too. You'll need it. It's not likely that even when sober you'll be able to have an adult conversation with your A. I don't know him of course, but you do.
Remember that taking care of YOU comes first. Good luck and God bless! Kim
that song is a wonderful song i loove love love it. and i think my ah takes it personally when its on he always changes it lol anyway i hope you have a good day today. when i left my ah last month it was the first time well the second but the first time i went right back the next day. long story but anyway i too didnt want to go to my moms. her place is very small and we slept on the pull out couch. it was crowded and i kept putting it off everytime i would get pissed at my a and want to leave i just didnt wanna go there, knowing we would all be miserable and hate hate hate it. well dont you know the kids loved it there, my mom enjoyed the company and my a opened his eyes and got him self right into a program 5x a week 3 hrs a day, and an aa meeting everyday. if i would have known that was all it took to get him to stop taking us for granted and treating us like crap, i would have left a long time ago. he did stop going to the 3 hr daily treatment things, but he did let out what the root of his problems were which i thought he would never ever ever do. so yeah we are back here again, and he hasnt drank since then, knock on wood. but if he did i am glad to have this place and the alanon meetings to fall back on. and my moms door is always open. so just because we think our kids might be miserable, it might turn out just the opposite. my two year old keeps saying she wants to go home (back to my moms) lol and they had so much fun. like alittle vacation for them. and he came out everyday 45 minute ride to see the kids so they didnt make a big deal out of missing him. we have to do what we have to do for our kids sake sometimes and maybe it will turn around for you like it did for me. i hope that it does, i realize how lucky i am to have it all turn around for the better. and i know it doesnt always work out like that for everyone. but whatever happens i believe it is all in our HP's hands and we just need to have faith no matter how bad the situation gets. i will be thinking of you. good luck with your talk. oh yeah by the way when i tried to talk and tell him i was leaving things just got violent and i never could make it out. i just waited for him to pass out and left/ much easier to leave with two kids that way. thats just my experience im not sure if yours is violent when he drinks or not oh yeah and you know what else makes me nuts? my kids sleep way better at my moms n brothers houses than they do here . the two year old slept all night at their houses but she wakes up every night here.... good luck and God bless
My prayers go out to you and your family. I hear the clarity and strength in your words and do hope you take the day by day steps to maintain that clarity for yourself. I completely aggree with Kim's advice...anything can happen (as you probably already know by now), but keep your self detached enough and focused on you.
For me, when I finally ended it with my A, that is when he got sober. I chose to stick with him despite my inner voice. A blessing for him to have the love and support - hell for me. He finally left me (or it just finally crashed) 7 sober months later....7 long painful months for me and my kids. The peace and serenity I now feel every night and every morning without his chaos and criticism is amazing. For me this board and a therapist and lots of quiet time with my HP got me through. And thinking about what I wanted for my kids. Peace to you, Fifi
od bless