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level.
I saw the A yesterday and decided to keep the beagle for another week. I managed to get it out of him that he is going to court on Monday. He looks absolutely terrible, worse than I have ever seen him. He is not making any sense about what he is going to do. I imagine he presumes he will go to jail although he does not let me broach the subject at all. He says his illness is much worse (and it looks like it). I gave him $20.00 for food. Normally I would be on overwhelm and over give.
He was his normal irritated and demading self and I totally did not fall into any trigger traps with him. I could not let the dog go with him as he is in such a state.
I do think he is in contact with more people than he lets on to me. I know for sure someone is picking up his mail for him. It could be that he is in contact with his brother and did not let me know it.
I am taking it one day at time. One of my housemates may be available to go with me to get the rest of the A's stuff if needbe. There is one small carload to get if he goes to jail. I am willing to store his stuff and look after the dog but not much more than that.
When I broached with him what he is going to do next the only solutions he will go for are the impossibel ones. I dropped the subject, its his life. Normally I would be off obsessing and lose myself entirely.
I managed to detach from the sorry sight of him going off to goodness knows what. I have enough of my own issues to take care of. Worrying obssessively does nothing to add to the situation.
Well, I guess if he goes to jail then that will resolve all the problems with the dogs and the truck? You said it was badly damaged - does that mean undrivable? I remember when my A was staying in our old house with no power and water and I felt bad for him I took over a few bags of food because I knew he didn't have anything but I refused to put cash in his hand. Funny thing after he was gone and I was cleaning up the house when it was selling I found an empty six pack of alcohol hidden in a desk drawer (desk stayed with the house). Now mind you he had not a dime to his name, I brought over food and water and STILL, he managed to get himself some alcohol. Like you said, now that you are not as available he will have to start making new connections of people to put his burdens onto; either that or deal with them and get better.
You are doing so so so so much better than you were a year ago! When he's in jail, then you will be able to completely focus on you. I know you're not totally willing to let go yet but I know for me storing his stuff was just another excuse for him to want something from me. Just my experience with that.
Good for you (((Maresie))). It's so amazing to be able to deal with our A's and not be crazy.
I do agree with Carolina, though. No way I would give him money. My A needed money recently for gas for our business. I had just caught him again in a bunch of lies, so I gave him a gas voucher that I made sure he could not get cash from. It was one of the things that really got his attention. Later he said he sat in the truck for almost 30 min, because he was so embarrassed to have to use a gas only voucher. I figured not my problem.
Anyway, I'm so proud of you. You are amazing. You have worked so hard for the peace you are getting now.
Give the dogs a hug from me.
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
well the issue for me is that the only only way I would take the truck is if I can get it in my name. I may be able to do that. Then in theory I could get it repaired. That alone would cost a few thousand given the damage he has done. So it is hard to make that call.
He did not tell me about the jail issue for months now he is demanding I call the public defender for him since his cellphone does not charge well. I told him to go to the people he is renting from (who charged him an arm and a leg) and ask to use their landline. He will just have to sit on the phone with them. I can tell he is scared.
He is full of irritability and demands but for once I do not feel drained by them.
Some of the issue with his stuff is of course some of it is mine. One reason to pay the $100 something dollars it took to rent a truck on the weekend was to get the patio furniture he had of mine. In theory I can get access to some of the stuff in storage up north in time. Who knows. I find it hard to cross that boundary of letting all his stuff go. I have my limits though and one is not to allow him to stay with me anymore. It is just impossible to deal with him and his demands. I have a tiny tiny space. For once I am not allowing him to totally invade my life.
I do feel some sadness and compassion for him though, he is ill, he is alone. A friend of mine who is in recovery said it is pretty typical that when someone is down and out in the drug world they have no one.
I know for sure there is no way I can go on with believing in a future relationship with him.
I don't actually see having his stuff as a way for him to get back in. In time he's pretty resolute he's moving a few states away. That will be fine with me. I will miss the beagle tremendously but not him, not anymore.
I'm going to talk to his Uncle at some point and see if he can go up there. In theory he's supposed to. I think that might really help him over time. I would be able to be at peace with him there.
I am storing A BUNCH of my AH's stuff for him. 1/2 of my walk in closet is full of his clothes & boots, etc. I have a dresser drawer full of his clothes and I have boxes of his clothes in my loft. This man has a lot of clothes....lol.
Anyway, I have all kinds of equipment of his under my house and mounds of stuff in my storage shed that is his. OMG....I can only imagine the freed up space once it is all gone. But it will be a long time before that happens. He is living w/his mom in a very very small little house and there is barely any room for the stuff he uses on a daily basis. The of course when and if he ever eventually gets a place of his own, he will not have a place to store equipment more than likely. So I feel like it will always be at my house. And I am right there with you on the fact that I cannot, never could and doubt I ever will be able to just let the stuff go. I would have to find some place to put it for him so he could eventually retrieve it when and if he ever needed it.
Keep working on you. You are doing fabulous. Sincerely, QOD
