The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It was suggested to me that I read, "Getting Them Sober", by Toby Rice Drews. It happened to be the same time that I thought I would go crazy if I didn't do something about me, to help me, TODAY. So when I logged on this site this morning in the middle of my little crisis, I saw that suggestion, and the very same time I was feeling hopeless and needed help. There it was - the answer.
Coincidence? I don't think so. It was HP. So, I went to the book store and I bought that book and another called, "Codependent No More", by Melody Beattie. I'm am so excited to really help myself get better.
I know my first step was to come here. You all have helped me so much, with your support of one another. Just reading everyone's posts, has given me hope and comfort in knowing that there is a family of support here. So thank you for sharing your feelings, because it gives me insight into my feelings, and myself.
Detaching from my AH is very hard. But, slowly but surely I'm getting better at it. I just have to let go, and realize I can't fix everything. I'm done trying. I'm going to focus on me, and what makes me happy.
I used to draw a lot. I used to enjoy life. I used to be happy, and spontaneous, full of life. It's time to get that back. I realize that I apoligize too much to people at work, and friends - for nothing. I'm going to stop that too. Somewhere in the past 8 yrs I lost my true self. I became this quiet, reclusive, scared and lonely bored and boring person. Guess what - I'M BACK!!! :) Had to get a little dramatic, it just fit. :) LOL. I know it's not going to be easy, and it won't happen overnight, but at least I'm headed in the right direction, finally. Okay, I'm done - thank you for listening and all you wonderful people have a great night! I'm tired and going to read and go to bed. Chris.
Thanks for reminding me of a book I wanted to read too - Getting Them Sober. I echo your words as I used to be happy and full of joy for what each day would bring. I've struggled with detachment from AH also so I thought about my needs and what I can expect........... I am working on the acceptance a little more as I still don't want to believe how little I can expect & the reality is probably zip, nothing at all. Spent way too much time trying to explain, change and ok, control probably too to get what I wanted or needed from him.
My acceptance is coming a long so I can take some actions like getting out and live my life, have some fun - do some of the things I use to do and would still enjoy now. It is just starting to seem like a new adventure.
The slogans really help me...... builds new brain pathways actually so someday it will be more automatic for me to just think "it is what it is", "easy does it", "let go and let HP", "Think", "Breathe", "Just see what happens" ........
Keep coming back, your post has put my feelings into words and helped me take another baby step. Thanks! G'nite & sweet dreams, ddub
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"Choices are the hinges of destiny." Pythagoras You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
Both are wonderful books; full of insight and strength -- i credit Melody B's book for bringing me out of my DENIAL. I am only a victim if I choose to be. To be happy is MY CHOICE, MY RESPONSIBILITY ~~ just as is being sad, depressed or insane... happiness was a better choice for me....
I love the progress and "Go Gettum" attitude... that is a huge leap to any recovery!
with love, cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
I remember the first time I read codependent no more and it took several more readings and lots of time to get through my head. It really is an eye opener and it, like this board, helps you to see that you're not alone in this.
I'm on my third reading of Codependent No More, and every time I am amazed at how much more I get out of it. I need to get Getting Them Sober. It sounds like a good one too.
I also vaguely remember loving life. I used to enjoy riding my horses and lots of other outdoor stuff. I also like to spin fiber and work in the garden.
I think I'll take the boys out for a ride today.
Thanks for this post.
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
So when I logged on this site this morning in the middle of my little crisis, I saw that suggestion, and the very same time I was feeling hopeless and needed help. There it was - the answer.
I'm tired and going to read and go to bed.