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It would be a really bad idea to "blackmail" my ex into paying for my little one's nursery school, right? I have asked twice very nicely and he has not responded except to want sex from me. I should NOT threathen to tell his GF and her mother all that he has done with me while living with her. That would be wrong and hurtful to me and the kids. Right? I should just let it all go and do the best I can with what I've got and not expect anything and have faith that I will some how come up with the 129 for the first month. I should not cause intentional pain to him even though that is what he does to me. Revenge is never a good thing even when the motive is slightly pure. Right? I am really losing it again. I am sick of doing this again and again. Why is it so damn hard to just stop messing with the crazy man?
No, don't make the threats seren. He didn't do it alone!! Rise above it. That's one way to maintain your "fabulousness".. Be "fabulous" in all that you do and say. Besides, the energy expended threatening him is not worth being called a liar.
All good wishes,
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
What you say is you want is the $129 for the little one's first month of school . . . that's your goal. More important than revenge or humiliation to the A, right?
Diva, I love the "fabulousness" idea! May I adopt this for myself? Serendipity, the best revenge, so to speak, is to NOT NEED that guy for nothin'. To be so "fabulous" that if you ask him to care for his kids and he doesn't, you can just turn to your Plan B.
One of the reasons I have no contact with my exA is so I don't have to go through what you are going through. I don't have little ones (the human kind) so it is not in the same league. But still my A would screw with my head, or try to, just like yours. You need some boundaries FOR YOUR SAKE. If you ask him a simple request, and he screws with your head, consider it a "no", write it down, inform the lawyer and at the next child support hearing make sure the court knows about it. He'll look like a slimeball and all you did was tell the TRUTH.
I know you want him to just behave like a father but he hasn't done so yet, why will repeated attempts work when he's set a precedent already? He's made up his mind. You need to make up YOURS now hon.
Seren why don't you take him to court and get it? He should be paying half. I know in my state they make them pay daycare...unless the mother is not working and can take care of the child herself. Look at legal aide in your state. Good luck hun.
I'm with the others. The best way to not go through this again and again is to stop expecting him to come through. As long as you keep expecting him to be something he is not(ie a good father, responsible, etc) you are setting yourself up to be disapointed every time.
I have recently taken that step myself. I have just about (completely?) quit expecting anything from my AH. It has been liberating too. I just work on figuring out how to make things happen myself. If he does come through it just saves me some work, and I say thank you and move on. If he doesn't I never miss it because I didn't expect it anyway.
We are here for you, and you are Fabulous. We all are if we choose to be.
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
