The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been missing you all here lately but have been too tired to write or read much.....kids back to school,me with various medical tests (all ok and no more cancer so far), one daughter broke her arm, fell off a wall and scraped her face bad, lost a tooth and turned 7 all this week(all on different days no less). I work and keep the house up and get to see friends sometimes....but I am exhausted. Nights all alone and I miss adult company....all kids and work.....both amazing blessings, but both very draining.
Also wanted to say I spent a night praying for my exA.....I had been having such negative regrettfull thoughts that wouldn't leave me. I could not remember anything I had loved about him. All I could think of was the hurt pain and lies. My heart and mind could not put love into that scenario of remembrances.
Anyhow, after lighting a candle and simply praying (or sending kind compassionate intention without words towards him)....I felt a shift. I felt love....I don't understand it and don't I think I really ever will. But I felt kindness. And it felt so good. Somehow now I can have both those feelings, but I don't try to put them together. I just know they are both real. And I am grateful that I don't hate him so much today. And I am grateful that my heart can soften a little.
Wow fif that is awsome. To feel compassion and love in place of anger and hate. Must feel pretty good. Send the anger and hate my way so that I might become slightly stronger against my A and the way he manipulates me. If I could hold onto the indignant anger I might be better able to protect myself from him. Good for you for your growing experience. I hope to get there someday with the help of this program.
Thanks for sharing this - the thought that having both real feelings but not putting them together helps me. I have been like a ping pong ball focus on me, related to A, back to me etc - probably fighting with the concept of how to have both anger/hurt and compassion/love at the same time. All the negative feelings just slow us down or hurt us not them so good way to keep moving forward in baby steps.
Sounds like you are making great progress! and in lots of ways from cancer survivor, to mom, to employee............ May your new routines now that school has resumed, allow for less exhaustion or at least less trips to the ER. (-: Hope your 7 yr old has bounced back ok. hugs to you and your children, ddub
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"Choices are the hinges of destiny." Pythagoras You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
what honesty. Lately I have been feeling ocmpassion towards the A. For me its compassion with boundaries> I know now how to set limits. He is a hard person to set limits with because he is so manipulative and insistent. He is also a wreck.
I am glad you are enjoying life and seeing the gaps. When we see the gaps we can start working on ways to fill them.
