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i just have to thank God for alanon!! i am new to all of this and have only been to two meetings but i have read everything in the packets when i began and i had my husband pick me up the one day at a time in alanon book when he went to his last meeting. i wanted to go to the meeting for myself. that is the dilemma i have now. his parents/sister watched our two girls so we could go at out meetings. same place same time. this past sunday they werent around and if they got back in time they would watch the kids. but they didnt, and my husband said for me to go and he would stay with the girls. i said no you are the one in recovery. you go. someone offered him beer that day, knowing full well he was quitting and he told me about it. it was great that he can be honest with me and also that he refused. so i said if you had taken the drink i might feel like i needed to go but youre the one in recovery so go. i have a feeling that his family wont be available today either. he says maybe i can go to two meetings a week and he will go to four. we have been spending one day a week for the family time. my thing is, if aa is doing so well to keep him sober, am i being interfering with his recovery by taking the two days myself? i think it might be a little early in his recovery for me to go ahead and be selfish. yeah im worrying i guess "let go and let GOD" so maybe i should just go do my meeting and see how that works out. maybe just once a week and he can do the 5 days. its all working out so well! this situation here was just turmoil and when i left it was to struggle and raise the kids on my own. such a miracle has happened since we have our aa and alanon. we dont fight. we talk. really talk. there is no tension. maybe a little but it is normal family stuff not alcoholic related. instead of animosity, we share time together. i am in his bed at night. i havent been there for more than two years, and guess what? we READ. together. he reads his and i read mine and i never ever thought we would be at that point. I believe MIRACLEs hAppen! by the grace of God it has happened here and its like a blessing in disquise (his alcoholism) we are living a better life than i ever thought was possible for us. the alanon way of life and philosophy will always be my way! in all areas of life it can be applied . when i read the one day at a time book, i dont only reflect it on my alcoholic husband, there are other situations in my life i think of and it is wonderful. so much peace and understanding i would have never known if it was not for alanon! and this is just the beginning!
Frazzled, now you'll have to change your username :D
Don't forget you are in recovery too. You lived with the active disease for years just like he did. The priorities are different in detail only.
There is no way you could interfere with his recovery by getting better yourself. In fact, it's crucial that you do. When one person changes and the other does not, well, we know how that goes.
It takes time to get clear on what we need to do for ourselves once the A gets sober. Not that I have direct experience here :D it's more or less from the support I gave to family members of As from my last job. FWIW.
My A is not in the picture any more as of June . . . I look at this as the "other option", they either get sober or YOU do, if you know what I mean. It hasn't been long, and at first I thought WHHEEEE!!! I'm free, now let's get on with it!!
Yet HP has other plans . . . like taking a long hard look at myself. It's all for the good, but we don't get out of living with the disease of alcoholism/addiction unscathed. We have our wounds too. We need help too.
I am so proud of you two. I wish the absolute best for your A's sobriety and of course for your recovery too :)
Good for you - so happy you have each found recovery. While his recovery is important, don't forget that yours is just as important. No matter what happens with his recovery, keep the focus on you and your health. Take it one day at a time, there are challenges but life does get so much better. Wishing you all the best and thanks for sharing your positive attitude and gratitude. Inspiring!
well i thought i was going to my alanon meeting tonight while he went to his..... our five year old had kindergarten orientation tonight at 6:45. the meetings started at 8:00. we got out of there at 8:09~ and that was fine with me i didnt even worry about the meeting till i got in the car and thought about the time. he was hungry (didnt eat work work work, came home took quick shower and we were off to orientation) and i wanted to get to the meeting. tried to go but the baby (she will be two in october) DID NOt want to let me go! so i was a little frustrated but what can i do about it now? the things i am glad for are the fact that i was so worried before i left my a about how my five year old would be starting school with all the drinking and drama that was going on. i have to be grateful for the fact in such a little period of time, a miracle has happened and the feeling that every thing is going to be ok dawned on me at the orientation. the bulletin board had welcome class of 2002 and my heart dropped. and then they had us stand and do the pledge and i started crying. THANK GOD for letting this little girl start school without a bunch of drama going on at home. she can actually go to school to learn with a fresh start. As it should be! as for the getting to f2f meetings, im gonna go talk to hubby now. i love this place! (this online group)
i just have to thank God for alanon!! i am new to all of this and have only been to two meetings but i have read everything in the packets when i began and i had my husband pick me up the one day at a time in alanon book when he went to his last meeting. i wanted to go to the meeting for myself. that is the dilemma i have now. his parents/sister watched our two girls so we could go at out meetings. same place same time. this past sunday they werent around and if they got back in time they would watch the kids. but they didnt, and my husband said for me to go and he would stay with the girls. i said no you are the one in recovery. you go. someone offered him beer that day, knowing full well he was quitting and he told me about it. it was great that he can be honest with me and also that he refused. so i said if you had taken the drink i might feel like i needed to go but youre the one in recovery so go. i have a feeling that his family wont be available today either. he says maybe i can go to two meetings a week and he will go to four. we have been spending one day a week for the family time. my thing is, if aa is doing so well to keep him sober, am i being interfering with his recovery by taking the two days myself? i think it might be a little early in his recovery for me to go ahead and be selfish. yeah im worrying i guess "let go and let GOD" so maybe i should just go do my meeting and see how that works out. maybe just once a week and he can do the 5 days. its all working out so well! this situation here was just turmoil and when i left it was to struggle and raise the kids on my own. such a miracle has happened since we have our aa and alanon. we dont fight. we talk. really talk. there is no tension. maybe a little but it is normal family stuff not alcoholic related. instead of animosity, we share time together. i am in his bed at night. i havent been there for more than two years, and guess what? we READ. together. he reads his and i read mine and i never ever thought we would be at that point. I believe MIRACLEs hAppen! by the grace of God it has happened here and its like a blessing in disquise (his alcoholism) we are living a better life than i ever thought was possible for us. the alanon way of life and philosophy will always be my way! in all areas of life it can be applied . when i read the one day at a time book, i dont only reflect it on my alcoholic husband, there are other situations in my life i think of and it is wonderful. so much peace and understanding i would have never known if it was not for alanon! and this is just the beginning!