The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
"...Until you get it together, I am no longer paying for your perscriptions. And if you keep acting like a butt, I'm gonna cut you off my health insurance." So, this was the message on my machine last night. It couldn't have come at a better time, because I had just woken up from heavy sedation: my neck, which had followed my head into the steering wheel on Monday, was in such egregious pain, I was delierious. I mean, I've been in pain, but it was *all over my body*. So, thank god for pharmacists, who were able to call my drs and say "Uh yeah, this is bad." So when I got the message, my first thought was "I'm not gonna go there. I'm not gonna fight with him. I'm not gonna beg, plead, or whine. I'm not gonna cry or do anything like that. I'm gonna let this go. I'm gonna call my sponsor." So I do. We talk. We work out a game plan. To social services, we agree. The worst they can say is no. I also hear from my councelor this morning. We talk for about 30 mins--emergency check in. "It sounds like somehow he's under the impression that the university issued you the refund and it was his money. That somehow it's his money and they gave it to you." Oy.... "So, in some twisted way, in his mind at least," she goes on, "He has jurisdiction because, well it's his money. So somehow, you refusing to use his money for a $2,000 unnecessary car repair is like telling him he can't have cookies before dinner" I knew what she was talking about. With Dad--or with any of my alcholic loved ones--money is no object till there's consequences attached. Leave all the lights on in the house! (And then wonder why the electricity bill is out of this world.) Turn up the A/C to frigid! (And how did the...?) Buy new cars--the one we have is only, like 2 years old! (They wanted *how much* for a down payment?!) So, I go to social services, and, "Just the facts, ma'am." And...I don't qualify. I'd need to be disabled for 12 months, recieving their assistence for so many months, et cet (I'm sure those of you who work with the gov't know what I'm talking about; it made sense when he explained it...). (I'm noticing a pattern here: I follow the directions for recovery, and I don't qualify for social services... like, *anything* in social services....) But the social worker was very gracious. He told me where the community health partners were who *might* be able to help me. So I call the community health partners. I will need to be there @ 8am Tu. I might get seen. I might not. It's first come/first serve. And they'll do a complete physical, mental health eval, and financial eval. And that's if they see me. If they see me Tu, great. If they don't, I get seen Thu. "So, wait--the whole eval isn't done from 8a-12p. It's that the line is that long." "Yes ma'am." "And the people who dont get seen on Tu get seen first on Thu." "yes ma'am." "So you're gonna recommend I get there ASAP on Tu just in case." "Yes ma'am." OhhhhhhhKaaaaayyyyyy...... Anyone? Coffee? Caffeene? I also called my drs and filled them in--of course, we can give you samples; just give us enough notice so we can document that you got X amount on X date et cet. Of course, I said. Thank god for the anonymous angels in our lives, ya? So the plan that the social worker and I put together went something like this: Use the county perscription first; this way when I graduate, I can still have that safety in place, and I can still have access to my meds, with my dr's help. If it turns out that I can't get the services of the county for whatever reason, go to the university and see if there's any way I can re-instate the university health insurance, good only so long as I'm involved in school part time here, and I have to use any and all services through the university here. That means all my dr's and specialists that have developed relationships with me--and *know* when I'm serious, like y'all do,--are off. It feels good to have a game plan. At the same time, I feel burnt out--at 1230 pm, it already feels like I've been running around all day. I want to get a pint of ice cream and kick back. Of course, "they" have issued a heat warning for the day (mid to upper 90s?) Thanks again for listening. I'll ttyl.
What state are you in? You know sometimes on those social services applications you have to leave a few things out... Wouldn't universal health care be really nice right about now? There's always Canada, of course you have to have a passport to go there now. Sorry you're going thru this, I am assuming this is because you won't spend the money on the car repair?
Just wanted to give you a hug, cause I know you'll be fine.
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
It stinks to have to change doctors doesn't it? Just when they know you and you know them it is hard.
But maybe not harder than dealing with your parent's financial help?
Unfortunately that is a sad fact of life, he/she who controls the purse strings controls the world...or at least their little corner of it.
Part of developing maturity is learning to see someone else's point of view. Maybe try not to see your Dad's trying to contol how you spend his money as "wanting his cookies before dinner" and see it for what it is, a imperfect and flawed father trying to give his daughter good guidance on how to spend HIS hard earned money.
As a parent of grown up children who still have their hand out for "needs" my ESH is that I try not to make this situation too comfortable for them. I make sure they have continued motivation to have thier hand out to THEIR own wallet, LOL. Some people need lots of motivation to stand on their own two feet, they have to be a bit "hungry" at times.
Are they resentful at times that I don't have an open wallet for them like I used to when there were little? YES! Do they complain to others? YES! The only people who sympathize with them is their friends who are also still dependent on their parents or others for support. Their friends who stand on their own two feet and are independent don't have time to listen to such complaints and try to set them straight.
There is nothing wrong with an adult child being dependent on parents if both parties agree, but that is the point, both parties have to be in agreement. Your parents have to agree to support you and you have to agree to do as they say, the "price" for the "free" ride that really isn't free like everything else in life. When you don't keep your end of the deal, do as they say, they no longer want to keep their end of the deal, and cut you off. But since they are your parents and love you, despite their dysfunction, they hesitate and don't seem to actually DO it, they just threaten a lot. Perhaps one day they will get fed up and actually do it.
Because you say your parents are dysfunctional, they are not going to have as much finesse teaching you this lesson as other parents. But they are likely frustrated at you not listening to them on how to spend THEIR money, and that is understandable and human nature. However, cutting of your health insurance is a low blow, I am appalled, but that is how dysfunctional people operate at times.
I too was raised with dysfunctional in my home and when I took some time between high school and college I worked part time but had to live with my parents and pretty much be dependent on them. I didn't like it much, but I understood the "rules" of their money, their way. I put up with it and played by the rules until I got sick of it, that is when I took out a bunch of loans (I am still paying!) and put myself through college. No more their money, their way. It was the best thing I ever did...
Was it expensive? You bet, but expensive money wise, not at the expense of my emotional health and self esteem.
I would rather take it out of my wallet than out ot my hide.
You are doing the right things, exploring your options if they actually do get fed up with you not listening to them and cut you off.
Keep up the good work and this is in important lesson for you to learn, especially being a woman. "He (and it usually is a "he" in a woman's life) who controls the purse strings sets the rules". This sobering and hard lesson has inspired many a woman to stand on her own two feet financially, like you are learning to do in college.
I am SO proud of you Tiger! You perservere despite so many obstacles, you are going to be OK and THRIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Those who control our status in the world wrap neat packages. " anonymous
Tiger, I'm sorry for your accident and all the resulting problems. Go forward. You are so good at cutting through the crap and getting to center. I know you will again.
p.s. I know where you live, if you remember our conversations. It's my home town. It can be hotter weather there in August than in Florida! Anyway, socialized medicine is not free and is very very slow. You wouldn't like it.
this is tough going, and it is not easy when you have had the experience you have had, I think its the As way of reeling in you in, making you grateful enough, and I have found they always kick off when you are down, get sorted anyway you can and think of your health first, it takes time I presume to cut you off health insurance so ring them up and find out how long you are on it for, please look after yourself and ignore the ranting, thats such a lot of B***
Oy.... "So, in some twisted way, in his mind at least," she goes on, "He has jurisdiction because, well it's his money. So somehow, you refusing to use his money for a $2,000 unnecessary car repair is like telling him he can't have cookies before dinner" 
I knew what she was talking about. With Dad--or with any of my alcholic loved ones--money is no object till there's consequences attached. Leave all the lights on in the house! (And then wonder why the electricity bill is out of this world.) Turn up the A/C to frigid! (And how did the...?) Buy new cars--the one we have is only, like 2 years old! (They wanted *how much* for a down payment?!) 
So, I go to social services, and, "Just the facts, ma'am." And...I don't qualify. I'd need to be disabled for 12 months, recieving their assistence for so many months, et cet (I'm sure those of you who work with the gov't know what I'm talking about; it made sense when he explained it...). (I'm noticing a pattern here: I follow the directions for recovery, and I don't qualify for social services...
like, *anything* in social services....) But the social worker was very gracious. He told me where the community health partners were who *might* be able to help me. 
OhhhhhhhKaaaaayyyyyy......
Anyone? Coffee? Caffeene? 