The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Last weekend I had a huge row with the A because he told he was not going to help me to move. That was after he asked me to foot a huge bill to help him move immediately. I did not say no to that just asked him to think it through.
The A is well aware I have been ill lately and my stamina is down. He doesn't care. Eventually I got totally exasperated and told him not to call me anymore with his requests for help. I made it perfectly clear I needed help. He made it perfectly clear he was not "willing" to help me. At the same time he has this enormous expectation that I will go on footing al lhis bills for him.
Since then I have not heard from him, no how is our dog, no how are you nothing. The longest I have ever gone in 7 years with him with no contact is 3 weeks so this is nothing new. He regularly sulks and withdraws, that is a pattern of his. What's different for me is to no longer feel abandoned and lost without him. . I sent the people who he is living with his mother's phone number and informed them she is coming to the area soon. They can use her as a resource I resigned as one. I am tired of footing every bill and taking care of his every need while he can't acknowledge I exist. I heard nothing from them either. He has them convinced I am a b----. Of course they also have their own agenda. I am not even hurt by that. I expect it. If it isn't his way there is no way. He can't compromise, just demand, sulk, withdraw, demand, sulk withdraw, demand, sulk, create crisis, withdraw.
I don't feel anything but relief. I am so tired of being pushed to under the ground with his demands and crises. I have confronted him for years and years that he does not take into account my needs. He never heard it. Even when I am footing every bill he has he doesn't hear it. I am not willing to settle anymore for xero sum relationships.
I feel for him. He is in a tough spot. At the same time he continues to do very little that is positive for himself. He wallows in self pity and demanding behavior every day.. I am so lucky a friend stepped into help me. move. Nevertheless the main burden has been on me and I am exhausted and angry and resentful. What' sdifferent for me is that I am no longer trying to convince him to give me more. I just absolutely recognize he probably never will and it is not enough for me anymore to wait for it.
You DO deserve more! You are getting better and better, just go back and read your old posts from when you were with the A. You sound so much stronger and happier now. Of course he expects you to foot the bill because you have always rescued him and they want to keep that rescuing relationship so bad because otherwise it means they have to grow up and act like adults and suffer their own consequences! I'm glad that you don't feel like you need to suffer them anymore! You are doing so great! I'm happy for you and proud of all the huge steps you have made!
