The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just got off the phone with my lawyer, who updated me on work done to date, and then told me that in order for the lawsuit (to get the A off the property title and "settle" the assets) they would need another ten to fifteen grand.
I USED to have that kind of money laying around! But since I no longer do, I thanked them and they reassured me the case could sit as is. The A doesn't have money to pay his own lawyer to push the case, it has been "filed" but not served. His lawyer is a public defender overworked as it is, and does not return any of my lawyers calls or letters. We think he's dumped it.
I wish I'd known before I'd given up half of what money was LEFT. Well, so this is what it is.
I'm sorta sad, but not REALLY sad, you know? It is what it is. I could seek "legal aid", I could scramble and take out a second on this property MAYBE, considering the market the way it is now.
If the A dies, his heirs have his half of the property, that's the only thing that is still aflame. Otherwise I have a year long R.O. till next July, and good support from the local sheriffs. The A is back in jail for a failure to appear warrant, and then for whatever he gets sentenced to for meth possession.
I'm not even looking for advice or ideas. What hit me during this conversation is that it is out of my hands and in HP's hands and it's going to be OK. Nothing was ever for sure anyway. HP knows what I want and what I need and knows how to "get it to me".
It's not like I don't have any support now . . . I mean legal support. I just can't protect the assets from the A like I originally planned.
How weird is it being given this news, and not being really, really upset? Is this faith or am I in shock and denial?? I think, I THINK I have a choice to decide that myself . . . I'll choose faith.
I needed to put this out there in case I need reminding later that I don't have to assume the world has ended and I've been abandoned. There are plenty of options, like a second or equity line of credit on the house (very unappealing). But anyway . . .
Thanks for listening, it helps to frame it positively and usefully when I write it out for my Alanon friends. :) Kim
I love it when that happens to me also. It reminds me of so many things -- "Everyone has a higher power, AND I AM NOT IT." I am not the reason the A drinks and I am not the reason the A doesn't drink.
Thanks for the reminders, Maria
I am happy for your serenity.
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
I told my A the other day, I could lose it all -- have the house burn to the ground, be poor as can be but there was one thing I was sure of -- I was going to be all right no matter what happened.
Peace is a nice thing in the face of so much uncertainty. I have no doubt that you are going to be all right too.
Can't you do a quick deed by yourself and take him off?? It doesn't cost you anything and you can get the papers pretty much anywhere. Just an FYI :) Good luck. I had to go with Legal Aide and they work really fast! I'd give it a try. The only thing I found out about the heirs is that ALL debts are paid off, ALL liens, mortgage notes, ect. I'd suggest getting life insurance on him if you are staying married to him. It may pay for some expenses if he passes away (god forbid) I wish all A's a healthy and sober life.
I am noticing a lot less "really, really upset" in myself, too. It is nice to finally be able to handle this kind of stuff without the crazies setting in every time. Now it's only sometimes, for me. Mostly when I'm really tired, I've noticed.
I will vote for Faith as well. It will work out somehow.
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
I don't know if it's gods plan to have you give half your investment to him. I know that is a serious wrench in the works tho. I'm sorry that happened. I read here while researching my legal issues that any money or things that were bought with money from an asset that was only yours to start with remained your property after the divorce. Seems so unreasonable to charge so much for what little work they actually do! Fill in a few forms and call it a day usually and don't even have to appear in court. We don't have a very good legal aid here but I am working through the DV people to get help with my divorce now. Maybe you could look into that. Apparently if there was any kind of domestic violence you can get help through the state with legal affairs (in my case custody and divorce) Maybe it could help you too. I'll be hoping he goes to prison for a good long time so that he's safe from himself and you have a chance to breathe and get done what you need to for yourself! You and I both know everything will work out in the end.
I am not the reason the A drinks and I am not the reason the A doesn't drink.