The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
"Words can be only used for two things..... to BUILD UP, or to BREAK DOWN."
I remember really being moved by this statement at a meeting one time a few years ago, and it is sooooo true. I find myself getting judgemental, or self-righteous, or condascending, or gossiping, etc., etc..... and eventually, I remember these words above, and try to get back on the right track.
It all comes down to our own perspectives, and how we choose to live our lives.... Do I want to build up, or break down, those around me? Building up certainly makes ME feel better about me.
Getting back to it here...
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
What a great share! I am reading "Getting Them Sober" rather belatedly :D and one of the things the author repeats frequently in the book is avoiding angry name calling, revenge, lectures, etc for the sake of MY guilt.
MY GUILT?? It never occurred to me that I would feel "badly" telling my A off or pounding him down with "what he deserved". But in retrospect, it did have me feeling terrible, for days afterward. Lots of internal turmoil, even if what I lashed out at him with was "true".
But there is no guilt, no sorry, just peace when I chose to ignore him or when I responded neutrally.
And now that the crisis is over and the A is gone, I'm immersed in a different kind of "communication" . . . that of fellow Alanoners all supporting one another and growing toward health. Such a different feeling to be "building" others up, building myself up with words and actions. I am surrounded by the building up now, and it really does make a completely different sort of experience. Peaceful, no regrets.
Thank you very much for that FABULOUS share. I think it will be one that I will keep on my desk and on my fridge. Right along with one I learned here when I first joined........"Watch the actions not the words". I keep that one w/me daily. And now I will keep this one.
Thank you again. Have a wonderful day everyone. Sincerely, QOD
Great words.....thanks for sharing. I can really feel the build up or break down as different words are spoken in a conversation....it has always hurt me so much to hear others put someone down in any way....I am always mindful of how I engage in discussions like this....always trying to keep that negativity at a distance ....both with my self and my friends etc. Fifi
