The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm in for a long night tonight with the final part of the move. I've just been too exhausted to do that much this week. There is a whole emotional exhaustion in me from dealing with the A over the last 3 months. I'm now 3 days into no contact. I have to say it is a relief but there is also a fall out.
So tonight I do the final part of my move and I don't know how I will do anything. I'm trying to get it down to the lowest common denominator. I need clean clothes for work and to get to work and some rudimentary organization. The rest will wait till the weekend. Then in theory by next week I will be able to have some organization going.
I'd love to take off work but I don't get paid for it. I am deeply in debt and need to find an out for that. So I am not going to take time off just yet. In a month or so I need to start taking time off to go to the dentist and more and I need to do that I simply can't put it off anymore.
I am not feeling overtly resentful that the A is as usual not around to help. On the other hand my exhaustion is pretty deep and chronic and I think it may be anger turned inwards.
I have a friend who is helping me tonight but i really could have done with a great deal more help. I am incredibly islated after 7 years with the A. So I am going to make an effort to look for support and friendship once I get straight. I know much of this isolation keeps me stuck with the A on many levels.
I know how you feel. My A is out of the house and there is so much here that I really thought that I had to have his help with, but you know what? I don't need his help for anything. I am finally realizing that I can do it myself. It's not easy. I would like to have help, but I don't need help. That was my codependency talking. I am no longer a victim of his irresponsible behavior.
You can do this. Take it one day at a time, find one solution at a time. You are perfectly capable.
Take some time for yourself, and have a great day!
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Here's another one who relates . . . when I lived in the city I was completely independent and lived on my own with the kids for years. Now living in the country . . . hmmm . . . not so sure . . .
Jen you are so right. It would be nicer to have a big set of muscles and a male brain. But it's keeping it simple and pacing yourself. One little step at a time.
I have to take a bunch of stuff to the dump, the A has the farm truck we always used. I have my car and this big flatbed trailer. Ever tried backing one of those things up :D ??
One step at a time. Doesn't matter how long it takes as long as it gets done. I am focussing on being DONE, all the stuff I want hauled off GONE.
Since my A is in jail again he has a good excuse :D but truthfully, I'm just so glad I don't have to deal with him that I'll wrestle with that trailer thankfully.
Keep your eye on the goal Mary, such strength is coming through your posts as you continue to let your A go and take up your life for yourself. It is wonderful to "watch" your progress through each post. We'll just get it done more slowly without their "help", and much more peacefully no doubt. Kim :)
Isolation. Amazing how we manage to isolate ourselves over the years b/c of the A's in our lives. I have not had "friends" of many many years. And the girlfriends I did have way back in the early days of our relationships were more his friends than mine....and well he slept w/one of them (the one I considered almost a sister to me). After they fooled around, she cut contacts w/me (for guilt I guess). It wasn't until years later that I found out about the betrayal and put it all together. I have never trusted myself to have girlfriends again for fear that my AH would smooze them into bed w/him some how.
So now that I have separated from my AH, I am trying to build up friendships again. I am making friends at karate now on a more personal level but it is slow going it seems. Outside of my family, that is really all I have. I do find I get a bit lonely sometimes and work hard to stay busy so those feelings to overwhelm me.
Good luck w/the unpacking. Take it easy and find some time to rest.
