The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Right now the A has me labelled to everyone as a betraying mean person. I am supposed to just keep on taking his crazy self destructive behavior and supporting hm regardless. He did not tell me about his hit and run but that is acceptable. He did not tell me that he did not pay the rent either. He did not tell me a lot of things. His expectations are enormous and he has no sense when he has gone over the limit. right now he is saying he is going to live with his Uncle. He lasted precisely 2 hours there last time he went. I am not willing to be on the merrygoround any more. I am supposed to just stop wait and attend to him 24/7 and that is no longer acceptable to me either.
So now he has the people he's living with convinced that I am the betrayor and he has good faith and how i reneged on certain agreements with him. What about honesty and trust?
I've told him very clearly I have no resources but I don't doubt when he is in some wedge and his enormous charm, manipulation and more dissolve he'll call. I just have to be super strong then and say no as I have been saying no for a few weeks now.
I don't much care what he or others think of me. I know his song and dance on that. I am no longer willing ot abandon myself to be liked and needed.
Meri, I invite you to not answer when you see it is him.
I know it is hard becuz we are giving people. Hey lady, I shared a year ago that I found out what my AH had been saying about me all those years. It killed me, was so D hurtful.
At least I knew how come all his family and friends did not like me. It is so weird becuz we would be around them and he would be as loving as he always was. Polite, holding my hand, sitting with me etc.
Mary believe me this is nothing new. He has been saying bs all along. The disease loves to put us down, make us look bad and make others feel bad for him. Thus the disease manipulates others to babysit him.
You just tell yourself the people who matter, love you and know you. Remember also it is the disease talking, not the man you used to love. If you can, when those thoughts come, do the ole say, "stop." And think about something you love. The beach or your dog, or flowers. I usually pick the samething so it happens automatically.
Now when I think about those facts that hurt me, no family etc. I remind me of my hp. Works every time.
These times are hard Mary. I promise though, it does get better. Serenity is in your future.
give your pooch a hug for me. so proud of you!!! love,debilyn
Sounds like a really tough time. Just keep in mind that no matter how he may present you to other people, those that truly know and care about you are the ones that will not believe his lies. He will at some point lose that ability to hold on to that charm that may fool folks now. You keep on doing what is best for you and I know how hard it is to say no when they can be so darn cute! Best of luck to you. Stay strong.
