The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
To all who posted back to my depressed entry...THANKYOU. I realize over and over what an important place this is for me to be and this time I hope to make it a regular part of my healing. I gain so much through all your ESH.....most of all this time , hearing those of you that mentioned this was a time to really look at your selves and see honestly what there was to see, not turn away, and be gentle and move on. I hope to do more of that. I lay awake last night with my two beautiful little girls sleeping next to me and my mind was buzzing with hateful self doubting thouhts....and I said I do not want this anymore. The chaos and destruction that I asked to leave was his(my BF) but now I am responsible for the same destruction and chaos in my head and I want to ask it to leave as well.
It is a beautiful day here and the yard blooms with flowers......lovely for this moment.
I attended a f2f meeting once where on a blackboard someone had written "Out of destruction....." It wasn't a planned topic. That day we all shared how we came out of the destruction and into our new way of thinking which led to a new way of life.
You are coming out of the destruction and your life can bloom just like the flowers in the yard -- it is a beautiful journey with many "lovely moments." Keep moving forward.
St. John of the Cross called it "the dark night of the soul", and as unfun and somber as the times are, I believe in their necessity. However I believe we do not have to go back and suffer them again and again. Like we do not have to suffer destruction at the hands of the disease anymore, never again.
Each day I "climb out" of my dark night, I tell myself about the beauty all around me, all the people who care and I care about, and pray each day I follow God's will for me because that's where I'll find my peace and joy.
I have had to deliberately restate a lot of negative thinking, over and over again, changing it into positive, realistic thinking. It's working!! Each day I'm a little, or maybe a lot, closer to what I want for myself.
I have my Alanon friends, seen and unseen :D to thank for this, they are HP's emissaries to me. It gets better and better. So will you :) Take care Kim
That is a fantastic post. God, that is such growth and progress. It began with you. You are really worth all the happiness and love that is coming your way. Keep taking care of yourself and coming back... I really love reading your posts.
Brightest Blessings, cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
