The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Has anyone here been admitted to inpatient rehab, or a loved one for dual diagnosis? How effective is inpatient rehabilitation?
My fiance is court-mandated to go to his alcohol/drug program. He has been non-compliant recently, and he even missed a blood test. His counselor is going to write up a bad report on him and send it to the court. His next court appearance is next week.
How many times does he need to be non-compliant before the judge places him in inpatient? He's been in outpatient rehab for 7 months now, and its wearing him down... He won't stop drinking, and he wasn't recently diagnosed with BP 2 and Hypomania... He is taking Abilify, but drinking also... he may even be back on Cocaine... His family and I are trying to do what we can to get him in inpatient. We may even show up to his next court appearance to plead to the judge...
Has anyone been in this similar situation... please offer some advice or share your story. I'm in a real dilemma here...
What a struggle. The A I have been involved with is about to get involved in the court system for his reckless driivng. Maybe somehow he may get into recovery. I think jail may even be good for him.
Who knows.
I do know absolutely this group can help. Put all your feelings out there. I go through lots of days with peaks of feeling at the A. I have lots of resentment work through that then it comes back up again. Then I go into grief, back to anger. There is not much good feeling in there.
One thing I have found in my own ESH (and I can speak for no one but me) is that I never had any control over his "using". I have control over how i react to it. I have control over how much I let it affect me but personally I never had a moments control over whether he did or didn't. Surrendering was incredibly incredibly difficult for me that I had so little control over his self destructiveness.
Hi and welcome, MI! Too often there is mental illness along with the alcohol/drug use, it's more common than not. It makes me think of Carrie Fisher's story, she had bipolar as well as drug addiction.
Whether or not the alcoholic is mentally ill, they STILL have to be willing to get the help for themselves. In my opinion, they could use a little more "help" from loved ones, even getting tossed into an inpatient treatment against their will, to give them an opportunity for their head to clear and the meds to sink in. There is NO magic wand in inpatient treatment, though, but it's worth a shot.
Alanon progam is about helping you deal with the affects of living with such a sick person. You need help and support, too. You've been through the wringer yourself, and deserve to have some peace of mind. I hope you look into Alanon for yourself, invite the whole family that is involved with him. We do not believe that we can DO anything to make the alcoholic stop drinking, but we can do something for ourselves. Indirectly, this may help the alcoholic get to the point they want what you have gained. Good luck, it's never easy when mental illness goes along with it all. Take care :) Kim
Hi - I just started a new topic, then looked down and saw your post. I'm with you. My A just got placed in rehab today, so I guess we'll find out how effective it is. I know he's in the right place and where he needs to be to get help. It's hard when people only see or believe that the problem is alcohol. Dual diagnosis is a b****, because you're never really sure whether what you're dealing with is the bi-polar disease or the alcoholism, but it's exhausting to watch, so it must be hell to be going through. The problem is that with an alcoholic, you do have some lucid moments, even though their promises and explanations get old after awhile. With bipolar, there seem to be no lucid moments. It's all the most bizarre, confrontational behavior and it ends up alienating anyone who tries to help. We're accused of trying to make them angry by not doing what they want us to do, but what they want us to do is demanding, nonsensical and exhausting. Believe me when I tell you that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Honestly, without Alanon this past month, I would be a basket case by now. I'm not exactly the poster child for stability, but I'm a lot better than I thought I could be. Keep coming to the board, and go to face to face (f2f) meetings if you can. The purpose of Alanon and this board is to take our focus off of the alcoholic and put it on making our lives better, whether the alcoholic is drinking or not. These people are lifesavers. They've all been through it, and their stories, Experience, Strength, and Hope (ESH) will help you get through it, too.
Take care, Marion
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Vocatus atque non vocatus, Deus aderit ("Bidden or not bidden, God is present") - Erasmus
Yes, this place is for YOU - who really knows what will be best for him? You need some help, and someone who understands your problems.
The legal situation varies from place to place - anything I could tell you would be useless. However, there are likely mental illness support groups and sdvocacy groups in your area, who can give you direct help and advice that could point you in the right direction.
Many many alcoholics have other health problems - for many, the drink is an attempt to self medicate. No matter what, if he gets into a program of recovery, it will help, as it will make treatment of his other conditions easier The problem is, of course, that unless he is deeply committed to recovery, it won't work. And the problem with ThAT is, most alcoholics cannot imagine a life without drinking, and need to be nearly dead in order to take that leap of faith and reach out for the lifeline It's like if someone told you "All you need to do is to stop breathing - come on, how hard is that? You are such a loser, you can't even do that little thing...."
In the meantime, you need to take care of yourself. There is very little you can do for him, but his diseases can drag you into insanity with him, and yes, I use that word on purpose. Life with an active alcoholic IS insanity, unless you find ways to step away, and protect yourself. You do neither him nor yourself any good if you are sliding down that abyss with him.
My AH (we are separated now) is and alcoholic/cocaine addict and I believe he is also bi-polar. I know his sister is and she used to be into crystal meth and now is into prescription drugs. My AH recently went into rehab for depression last month and I am sure he was diagnosed w/the bi-polar disorder but he doesn't talk to me about it much. I do know they had prescribed him meds but don't know if he ever used them.
He got into trouble w/the law back in Jan and spent 5 days in jail before someone bailed him out. Then when he went back to court for it a month later, he had to serve another 3 days. I do know that his mom and step dad went to the courts to see if they could court order him into a drug rehab and they said no. That is my experience.
Life with an A (no matter what the addiction - alcohol or drugs or whatever) is a tough road to travel. All I can suggest is work on yourself, how you allow your A's actions affect you. Please find some peace and serenity every day, even if it is for the few minutes you have to take a shower in the morning. Get involved in a soothing activity - find something that allows you to feel good about yourself and detach from the A for a bit. It will do wonders for your spirit. We are here for you.
