The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So now I am going through the same saga as Kim went through the other day. Oh how I didn't tell the people he is living with he had a felony hit and run. Em how am I supposed to tell them something I don't know. How I am responsible for everything. Well he's 48 is he a child.
For once I put it back right on him.
He's chosen not to disclose not me.
I siad if he goes to jail I'll take the other dog that's all I can do.
In theory my dog (the black lab) is arriving on Friday. I have to move in the meantime. I'm at peace with (after a conversation with the a's uncle last night) I did all I could. I'm also at peace with its inevitable he is going to jail.
I can move on. I put it out there about the beagle that's all I can do. I have no control over him (the A) never did, never will, never can have. He'll lie, tell violin stories whatever for ever. As long as it works for him he'll do it. He has not one shred of responsibility in him and he's great at defering it to me. This time I didn't pick up the "wounded birdy" I said I can't tell you about something I don't know about.
You can only do what you can do. And it sounds like you know what you want. You are working on yourself, getting your life in order and letting your A deal w/his own problems. You are doing a awesome job. Keep up the hard work. The pay off is down the road.....when you are free of stress and can finally enjoy some peace in serenity in life. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Oh good, I'm glad to know when you are moving and getting the pup.
I felt rather horrified at first. It never occurred to me that others would hold me responsible for anything the A did. Sure I was ashamed of his behavior. I didn't cope well with the shame and ended up hurting myself by isolating.
It seems like "most folks" aren't clear on where their own responsibility begins and ends. It's almost normal to be so confused. Thank goodness for Alanon, even though it is common to look to the "functional partner" to be somehow responsible (right, Marion??? :D), it is clearly not TRUE.
Can't do much about what they think but tell them what you did Mary. You told them and that's that. The strength coming through from your resolve is obvious. Can't wait till you get your dogs!
