The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have decided to give up on the school goals that I had for myself. I was taking prerequisites to apply to a pa program which would require me to take full time online classes in addition to working and then if accepted quit working for two years to go to school and live on loans. I just found out that the school I was going to go to this semester doesn't do student loans, also I have had a hard time with my new apartment and the whole school thing and had to drop my classes to get in. Sooooo, I put some thought into it and decided that I was putting way too much pressure on myself to get all this stuff done in two semesters, and then try to support 3 kids on loans and more moving, and, and, and. I decided I was feeling guilty about the lack of money but we really do have almost enough to make it and I'm thinking now about switching jobs to find something that pays more. I have been a social worker for almost 10 years and I am sure I could find an online MSW program and go that route instead without having to take another year of prerequisites. I was so relieved when I realized that I didn't HAVE to take these classes. They were sure good to fill up my time and get my mind off the A or going out all the time but now I think I need to rethink my strategy. With the move being so up in the air, and the stress of work and school starting and moving I decided that I'm making things too hard for myself. Sure I could make a ton more money but really I have to sacrifice my time with the kids for the next few years and I'm just not willing to do it. I am the kind of person who values time over money and hopefully they will appreciate that someday. They may not have the money to do much of anything or buy things but we'll survive.
In my opinion you are not giving up...you are changing strategies. It all sounds very healthy to me. Give yourself the opportunity to make another plan or several plans for that matter. Long term goals always worked out better for me. I seemed to reach them, whereas the shorter ones usually got scrapped. I completely agree that your time with your kids is better than any money in your bank account.
Wha a hard struggle. What a really hard difficult choice to make. I am so proud of you for keeping at it. There are different strategies. A year ago I would not have considered living in one room was an option. I would not have thought of it as being something I could even consider. We'be spoken before about options unfolding. I am sure they will for you. I am looking seriously at getting a second job on the weekend. I'll have to look at whether it is possible.
I am willing to look. That is the issue. Willingness is everything. There have been times I have been so so depressed I could see no options at all. Maresie. .
Good thinking about the online classes. I've been looking into them myself. Just a question about finances regarding college - I work for the state, so some of my classes can be reimbursed. Any chance your employer could pick up some of the tuition for online courses, or campus courses when you are ready to go? Just a thought! Take care, Marion p.s. - Social work is one of those fields that I couldn't do myself, but admire the hell out of people who do it!
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Vocatus atque non vocatus, Deus aderit ("Bidden or not bidden, God is present") - Erasmus
I think your flexibility and level headedness about this are fantastic! You will see open doors all over the place when you look (this is my mantra lately anyway) for them.
CG, you are kicking butt, seriously. I love reading your updates, you are one strong determined lady. You are so focussed on yourself, it is an inspiration. And taking care of yourself, too, and those kidlets.
I can't help but think of what kind of social worker you're going to be with the experiences your've gone through and triumphed over.
I've worked closely with social workers my entire career as a nurse, and yup, I ALWAYS wondered how they "did it" . They in turn asked me how I could clean up vomit or bedpans, and I said that's over and done with in a few minutes, but your job is NEVER done :D .
I agree your not giving up , just letting it go for now . You will find courses to take to reach your goals that don't require that u go to school full time . And you have a career that is not going to go away any time soon . lots of potential there . Enjoy the kids and recover . Louise
True, I guess letting go would have been a better title although it felt like a fight to try to make everything work and seemed that I was giving it up but not in a bad way. I guess I feel a little bad about the lack of follow through but I also feel good about understanding myself better and what it is I want to do or at least what's important to me.
Re-Arranging and Re-Prioritizing. Those are better descriptions for what you are doing. I am inspired by your strength and courage. Don't beat yourself up over this decision. All things work out in then end and for all you know your HP could have a better plan for you and is just waiting for the right time to present it to you. That is how I like to look at things.
