The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Someone reminded me once.... No, is a complete sentence.
You did strike on something I have also noticed... when I became able to see the insanity for what it is... a lot of the fear and guilt went away. Many emotions of loss and the saddness of it all (grief over what could have been).
Stay the course... you have a good reason for saying no, and it doesn't really matter what he has to say about it. You are entitled to your opinion and to make your own decissions.
Thanks for sharing that... bet many others are in the same boat (like me!) ;)
Take care of you!
__________________
"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Scootch over both of you, I'm in the boat too. We should clip the sails and go somewhere really beautiful!
I heard a snarky comment once, "What part of 'no' didn't you understand?"
I wondered, once I could see the insanity for what it was, how I could have missed it all those years. I still wonder about that, it had something to do with me and my own brand of insanity I think. When I could see the A's I could also see mine.
What has helped me with the rage and pain was what rtexas said, once I saw the insanity for what it is, I could begin to forgive the A. It has been much more difficult to forgive myself, and most of the grief now is about how I treated myself now. Thankfully the rage has passed.
Somehow we come to believe (in a negative way) that we are responsible for the A's wellbeing. They believe it, due to their diseased thinking, and it is the same for us. It is diseased thinking, though, period. It's a slippery slope, and it takes two people to agree. I see you Mary no longer "agreeing" that you are responsible. You are right. You could take every cent you used to give him and get an expensive up-do for yourself, you made this money, it's yours to do with as YOU like. The A in my life continues to believe he is "owed" something. I no longer believe I owe him anything but politeness, prayers for him to open up to his HP, and positive regard. Just like I'd give to any other human being. But NOT my chainsaw or money or the property or anything else.
That is not what my A NEEDS. He needs a spiritual awakening, healing and hope for himself. Since I cannot do this "for" him, I pray for him whenever I think on all the stuff he wants from me.
You are doing so well. I'm so glad for you, glad to hear every update in your courageous journey! Love, Kim :)
I sitll do not have my dog. In theory he is supposed to deliver her this week. He will no doubt when he smells money. That is all he was ever interested in.
He is keeping the other dog for a time before he goes to jail of course.
I really do believe he may go this time because he has so much reckless driivng on his record.
There is nothing I can do but go on with my own life.
