(((((((((Andrea))))))))))

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your husband!  I remember following your posts through the tough times.  I hope you take care of yourself, and remember you're in our prayers.

Love,

Kathi

andrea: I remember all the care concern, love and understanding you have brought to this group. You deserve every bit of support during this difficult time for you. There have been so so many times I lost count where you had compassion for this man who brought so much chaos to your life. I remember you going back to work, dealing with financial havoc, rehab after rehab and worrying about your children. You have kept it together in grace and dignity and a show of strength that gave me a lot. When I first came in this room I was depressed beyond words. If I got to 2;00 p.m. in the day that was a good day. I felt like I was moving through molasses. You have no idea what it meant to me to see and hear you moving through things like going out to interview. If you could do it I did too. I got jobs, then better jobs. I kept at it. I got a resolve I never had before. I was not totally subsumed by feeling unwanted, unloved and in chaos. I was also not in a rage 24/7. I can still go there be enveloped by rage and then there are times when I think if Andrea can do it I can too.

I am so so so so sorry your new love did not work out. I know you were ravenous for caring and atteniton. Somedays I think back to the days in the beginning when the A could not do enough for me. I think now that was part of his camaflage job. A's are often very very charming. The A can still convince everyone none of it is his fault. It never is. He can't take responsibility for anything.

The A's health is terrible. Some of the reason I've been involved with him lately has been because of that. When my own health went it was the same old story oh how boring I can't be bothered with that. Get better or I'll ignore you. There is room for only one person to be sick and its him. There is also room for only one set of chaos and collisions and jail thankfully.

I am so glad you are leaning on this room at your difficult time. I know we all dread that possibilty that it can kill. I also know there are other ways people hit bottom, for the A I have been involved with it can be jail. It may well be jail as he is up on new charges and there is no way around them.

I am so glad to have known you Andrea through good times and bad. I remember the nights you went out dancing. I remember the laughter you brought to the room. I am so so so sad for you now. I am sad for your children for their unimaginable loss. At the same time I know you will go on and become the perrson you were always meant to be. I know you will find love that isn't corroded by addictions or lies or other issues. I know you will surive and that gives me such strength and reoslve and grace.

thank you so much for sharing all the nitty gritty ugliness of your story. The shame I have felt over the A's catastophes and the way he has treated me throughout it has been immesne. Knowing someone else's story as diffiuclt as it is to hear has helped immeasurably. Thank you for your honesty and strength and thank you for reminding me that for some of us we do still love them regardless. I may always love the A but I know from watching you that I can not have tha tdestroy me as it once did.

Maresie.