The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I worked so hard at taking care of my little family of my AHsober and 3 sons. We had our chores, we took our family trips, and we did our homework. It was so important to me. Now that they are grown and their AHsober father has moved out and said he wants a divorce, we don't seem much of a family. The oldest says he isn't concerned about us because he has enough problems of his own. He thinks he may be a father. The second one graduated and moved to his new job. The youngest spent the summer here with me. He just yelled at me tonight and said butt out of my business. I am scheduled for shoulder surgery on Thursday. When I told my AHsober he said that he should feel something for me but doesn't. So I asked friends to drive me to and from the surgery. I will be layed up for at least a month. I asked my nieces to help me with the chores.
Four men in my life and then there is me. No sympathy for mom? I guess we are all in transition. My sense is that my sons are finding "family" in their friends and activities. My AHsober seems to be held up in his addictions and has nothing to offer. So I am even thinking of doing something by myself for Christmas. If that family thing isn't there it isn't there. I know that if my HP brought me to it my HP will see my through it. Damn it is tough sometimes.
I know that it doesn't feel good; even depressing still for what it is worth and it's worth much to me...you have family here and in the Al-Anon Family Groups where you live. Keep coming back. We will love you till and after you learn to love yourself.
Hi Nancy ,sorry your feeling this way but ya know kids are selfish little b's anyway , I know i sure was at that age . They do grow up and they do know what u did for them and one day they will say so. The husb well he has his own story I guess . So you have a month to do nothing but think about your future , make it a positive month . read all the books you never had time to read before , go get your to nails polished just look after yourself for a change . and Nancy This Too Shall Pass. easy does it and good luck with your surgery. Louise
wowee - what family.. blessings to you as you work through the what of this meaning to you. children, I understand are raised to leave the nest and kudos to you for that success Nancy. However, the ahub going to an ex status has got to be difficult to walk through, for me being a non-parent parent to my ex kids ( ex binge drinks ) I do my best to b supportive of them, as they too have left the house, or the nest. The conditioning of the kids via their parents was drama filled, I would take the kids to a church that was a non-denominational center for a focus of self-healing, did its best to be judgement free and self empowering. The non critical idea of the particular church alone was a new awareness to the children. My sense was both, I would be long term to their dad and that perhaps I would leave for my sanity / safety. Father started acting out and I did leave, in that his act was both health and life threatening for me to enable his acts. I could no longer validate him or the impressions he gave to the children. He was stuck somewhere in his psychologic health, and only he could free himself, you know. I had to leave for my safety. I do my best to support the kids via prayer, they are always going to be in my heart. Nancy, I am just out of the hsp for an extended stay. It sounds like your knowing well enough to bring out the forces via your nieces to help during your healing time and that you are h.p. directed. My family's 'ooh xyz, we will be there and help you all the time' never happened from within my own family. I was thought to be dead from my injuries, the looks in their eyes to me told the story.. bottom line is, me and my h.p. were the ones who are getting me out of this setting / situation.
For Christmas, I hope to see you in HA a the beach with the pink hotel. I have a pierced nose for an identifier and my hair looks like its been frizzed - multi-colour and I am easy to spot in a crowd, so I will see if I see u. Ooh - its going to be my aid dog who will be a give-away, so come on up and give her a hug or a milkbone, etc. Warm regards, getoverit
Geez, facing that empty nest AND losing the A, all at the same time, has to be hard. I'm going through something of that, as my oldest goes off to university in three weeks, and I know that he won't really ever be back,not in the same way. Time to start decorating the rest of your life - bright side is, this time YOU get to choose all the colours....
I'm sorry you feel this way. I'm afraid I will have empty nest syndrome when mine leave as well. :( I hope things get better. I have no ESH because I have no experience in that yet. We are here if that helps. ((((BIG HUGS)))
