The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
i'm looking for some feedback... rationaly i know better than to look to my partner for conversation/company but that doesn't seem to stop me! we have just relocated to france with our 3 kids and my need to relate is backed up. normally i'd get a meeting once a week, avisit or two to alanon freinds and phone calls to an aa buddy, not to mention the support of my sponsor. now however the nearest meeting is one and a half hours away and while i'm doing allthe practical things i can think of, i still find myself chronically angry with my tuned out spouse. ive always felt like a single parent but i was all set up for it, at the moment i keep having unrealistic expectations, i keep expecting to have chats about the kids.... mad cos he's never done it! when i'm well we get on ok, we have never shared the parenting because by his own admission he's not capable of it. and for years, since i started in alanon i have looked elsewhere for company, conversation, talking about the kids etc, but i seem stuck in a groove the last few weeks and im so angry with him for being so crap at family life. today our middle child threw a scissors at our youngest and injured him badly, i managed to sort everything out, i think i did ok in the circumstances and didnt panic. i just so needed to talk about it at the end of the day and he was so incapable of that conversation. but why did
i not ring my freind or something......i just feel sad and alone. its hard parenting with this strangeness.... i've parented alone before and it was much easier cos these damn unrealistic expectations didnt keep tripping you up.
I bet just being aware of what you are doing, and writing about it here helped you - did it? You are isolated more than you are used to now, so of course it will seem harder for a while. Thank God for the internet - this place has saved the sanity of more than one person who cannot get to meetings. Welcome.
Hi Florrie , well since your familiar with our program already you know that expectations are a killer. ever come across the line in our literature that says Going to a alcoholic for emotional support is like going to a hardware store for a loaf of bread? that really upset me when I first read that but it is true as u stated already in your post . Why do u keep expecting this time he will responde , cause your human . I hope your son is okay and his altercation with his brother dosent continue . Have you considered starting ameeting in your new location ? all u need is a few books , service manual and a willingness to sit perhaps alone for a few weeks , I am sure your not the only person in your city living with an alcoholic. A well placed public service announcment in local paper . WSO has several that they will send that are appropriate. and approved by them . Maybe a poster placed in public laundromat or library would help spread the word. There are meetings on this site as well tho time diff may cause a problem 6am and pm eastern time . also chat room is open 24 - 7 Hang in there wish i could give u a real hug but this will have to do for now . (hugs Florrie )
I would print out what you just wrote us and hand it to him. You can't get any more black and white then that. I parent three alone and run everything so nothing seems chaotic to me ( Chaotic is normal here ). I know what its like to not be able to vent to someone though when times feel redundant. I'd say to pray, at least you know HE'S listening :) Good luck
I know that loneliness feeling. She's here but she's not. She can but she won't. I must and I'm tired. I found adrenalin in the philosophy of acceptance; not how things were happening or not happening...just that they were happening. When I found I could accept the fact of the situation my expectations that things should be different dissolved into acceptance that they were not and were just what they were. Difficult and it works.
thanks eveyone. i had a good day today, son healing well and daughter(the culprit) repentant. i realise that ive been resenting hubby and causing myself pain, today i just accepted what i've got and counted my blessings. i think it was the relief of sharing that let me let go. i think in time i will start a meeting but i have to improve my french a bit, i'm getting there.....one day at a time!! thanks for the feedback, it is like magic.
