The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The anger has set in. I know it is part of the grieving process. I just don't know what to do with it. I am going to my meeting tonight and my daughter is going to the alateen. This has been our routein for over a year. And I would drop the 2 younger ones off to my mom's and my friend would drop off her 2 to my mom's so she could have some alone time and the kids could play. My mom loved having all the kids. Especially the 2 little ones who were the same age and just loved each other so. And today, my mom called and offered to take the girls like it was a normal Friday. I asked her if she would come out to my house insted and she said no. I just said Ok, no problem. The rational part of my mind understands but the emotional part just wants to go off on her. She is blaming me, no one understands that but it is the way she is. And everything is my fault. The countless times she has told me I am a bad mother for enforcing rules and boundries with my kids. It is just a messed up horrifying situation made worse by the dysfunction that was there already. I want to be there for her but it is impossible. Did you ever just want your mom? I am the only one who is there for the kids and dealing with what they are going thru. Their father is useless. He already told me that he doesn't want the kids to get used to him being around and have their hearts broken. He still blames me. My lawyer called and ther is going to be an inquest into the child support issue. My ex said he made x amount and now he is saying that is not true. I don't know what happened with him and court and the credit cards he stole from my mom. My mom is still putting the A in her life first. He was the one in the water with the kids and she is just focused on him and herself and not the kids. It is exactly how she has always been. I, as a kid, took a backseat to the A and nothing has changed. Oh it's a mess. The lawsuit, the CPS comming here to talk to the kids, the investagator comming later to talk to the kids. I really could use a husband and they could really use a father. And we don't have that. But I do have you and all of your support and I feel the prayers and I hear your words of wisdom and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Oh seren, I wish there was something I could do to help you in this awful situation. I can send loving prayers and positive thoughts your way, and you can be sure I am doing that. It is useless to say trite things like, "take it easy," "focus on you" and all those other pointless things at this time. Prayers do wonders. I will offer them frequently.
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I can't imagine what you must be going through at this time, but by your post its pretty painful. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers for healing and peace. I believe the anger is normal and can be really healthy when you let it out. Thank you for sharing this with us today. Continue doing the next right thing for you and the kids, peace will find you again soon.
Hugs, Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
(((((serendipity)))) I continue to send prayers your way. I am so glad you are going to the your meeting tonight. The love and support you need now comes easier from those in recovery. Keep us close to your heart.
Serenity, you know you are on my mind daily during this hard, hard time.
I'm not sure what you mean, your mother blames you? For what? Just everything in general? I'm just not as familiar with your relationship with her perhaps.
Yes, the anger . . . it's there after any death, and with a little child it must be enormous, like a free floating anger that seems to permeate everything.
Be easy on yourself with the huge emotions, they magnify the "routine" problems of our life. Ask me how I know! And up your meetings if you can, during times like this you desperately need healthy, loving people around you. You need time to think on other things as much as you can. Hang tight, dear.
I have felt like living and dealing with the A for years was a mess I could never get out of. Many many people here told me eventually it gets better. For me personally my ESH is that I sometimes can see a chunk of light. Of course I know it is a mess for really a long time but the issue is that eventually for me anyway the mess lessened. I know that it is a tremendous amount of work to deal with. I dont' expect it all to be resolved tomorrow. At the same time I do see chinks of lights some days and I am so grateful for that.
I am so glad you can come here and vent. I certainly know how it is to be abandoned and feel very very alone.
You bet you have us girl, you guys are all I have too. I know the feeling. At least your A has enough sense to not see the kids so that he doesn't break their hearts. Mine doesn't have that sense. He tells them he's coming and then doesn't. Your heart can't take that pain. It's the worst. I also have a heartless mother. Seems like my friends are so involved in their husbands that I am being weeded out as the single girlfriend and no one has time for me. Friends? What's that. I used to have an overfull handful. Now....none. No one I can really trust, confide in, or just shoot the breeze. It's so sad :( I can handle it. I just turn cold hearted towards new people and don't even try. I'm done with being hurt by anyone. Now I am venting sorry. Anyway...just wanted to say, you have us :)
Well, I guess it is because they just can't or won't. It is painful especially about mom. My mom thinks my AHsober is wonderful and he is the one who moved out and wants a divorce. So there has to be other forms of support. And I am finding that sometimes it may only be you and your HP and that really is enough.
