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I'm pretty emotional right now, but I have to write it out and there's no meeting tonight.
I just spent the last couple hours talking to my neighbor Melanie, who I haven't spoken with since right after we moved in here (neighbors are far apart around here). In a nutshell, I was able to apologize for all the uproar over here in the last year. I also found out several of the neighbors have been calling the sheriff regularly about suspicious activity, hearing yelling/hollering over here. She told me very kindly it was believed I also was involved in drugs. I rarely left the property except to go run errands, but didn't socialize with anyone. I told the neighbor I was ashamed of what must have been obvious to everyone, and was looking forward to getting to know the surrounding folks better.
Then we stood outside while all the dogs cavorted around. My great pyrenees (a livestock guardian dog, big white goofball only 8 months old) went across the street to investigate another neighbor's llamas. We could not get her back over to us, and eventually this neighbor's dog chased her away. Then comes the neighbor Steve, with a gun. He waved it and said next time he would shoot her. Melanie told me he'd shot three dogs in the last few years for coming on his property and to take it seriously.
Well, I am! I also just broke down sobbing and I'm still sobbing. I guess all she and I talked about just hit me. Neighbors thinking I was involved in the methamphetamine and drugs too, and this guy wanting to shoot my dog. He's well within his rights to do so around here. If anyone has had a great pyrenees they know they are difficult dogs to handle through their "adolescence". They aren't real domestic, more like livestock themselves. Real independent and confident, definitely don't harass or prey on livestock, they just love goats and horses naturally. They will kill themselves if you tie them up, they can't handle it. We tried! She wouldn't even come to me for days afterward, and I'm her favorite object to "guard".
You know when you just feel like you are between a rock and a hard place? I just had no idea how hostile the neighbors have been, even "to me". This guy was PISSED, waving his hand gun around. He's called the sheriff for my dog barking at something skulking around the fence line hoping for a chicken or goose bedtime snack. I need this dog, she is huge (and a complete idiot as all puppies are!), she is fierce but won't bite unless you are a coyote or bobcat, and I've counted on her to alert me if the A or one of his drugged out "friends" try to sneak onto the property to take something. I honestly sleep fine knowing NUTHIN is going to venture out and pick off a few of my animals because this dog is there. Great Pyr's are nocturnal, too, and prowl and check things out all night long. They sleep like big lumps during the day with one eye open :)
I may have to let her go rather than risk her getting shot by him. Oh god, that just kills me. I really need her. But because she is a Great Pyrenees, she WILL get out of the fence at times and she WILL go over and check out the local horses etc (wondering if she needs to guard them too). Now that she discovered the llamas . . . Melanie has already brought her back TWICE since i've been home from her place. They are persistent if nothing else.
She's now in the house helping my son make hamburgers (yeah, right).
I knew people might have wondered what was going on over here . . . I guess I'm just naive and pollyanna-ish, I had no idea the hostility. That just hurt my feelings, of course, I can deal with that, heck, I can even understand it. Just more "fallout" from life with a serious drug addict.
At least the ice is broken now with Melanie, and I can make my way around to the others. I planned to speak with Steve and his wife (the guy with the gun) and I think I'd better wait.
I'm just heartbroken, I can't possibly protect this dog from him. I'm not looking for advice here at all, I have communications with people who've had Great Pyrs for years and their support, and I'm pretty clear on what I can and can't do with her. Also the laws support shooting a strange dog on your property, and that's just that. You're supposed to keep your dog fenced in and that's the end of it.
I know I don't have to do anything tonight (but keep her in the house until she "forgets" about how fun it is over at Melanie's house). If he shoots her there's nothing I can do. A thousand dollar dog down the drain and no way to replace her. I need to consider selling her just to save her life from this very angry man.
Yes I've explained to him what she is, what she does and why she does it. He could give a crap. I explained it all to the sheriff and they don't care either. Why should they? The law is the law. I have to face reality.
This is about my dog's safety, and hence my own safety, one of which I feel I have to sacrifice. Working Alanon tools and principles doesn't just apply in meetings or with the A. "All our affairs", as Tiger2006 reminded us in her recent post. I already know this gun waving neighbor is not workable. I just don't know what to do right now and need to get this out so I can "hear" that still small voice.
Kim, so often a person will become very offensive before thinking out why. When this happens, another's feelings get hurt. This time yours. Wait until the neighbor is approachable, invite him and wife if he has one, to come by and discuss just the kind of dog your Pyr is. Make sure he knows your dog is not going to harm his livestock, and that you will do every thing you can to keep dog away, but that he should please not do anything rash. If he is not a total whacko he will listen to reason offered calmly and in a civil manner.
I know you say you have explained all this to the neighbor with the gun, but try again. Remind him, perhaps, that neighbors are there to help us when we need someone, and to be cordial and understanding. You are ready and willing to do that.
Now, get a tissue, blow hard, and try to get some rest. Things always look better in the morning sunshine.
I send best wishes as always,
Diva
-- Edited by Diva at 23:22, 2007-08-09
-- Edited by Diva at 23:24, 2007-08-09
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Ah, yes, the dark side of rural life. Country people tend to be suspicious - they know how outsiders sometimes view them, and don't like it much. The best thing you can do in this circumstance is get to know people - keeping to yourself does not present a good image.
Of course the neighbours view you as being just like your husband - how could they not? They don't have anything else to go on. The hostility will abate if you open up to them a bit. Your obvious dismay at what you heard tonight will go a long way to rehabilitate your reputation.
I wish I could say something helpful about the dog - I'm sure anything I could suggest (working with her intensively, showing the gun toting neighbour a willingness to have her muzzled, etc) you have already thought of. If the neighbour is mostly just concerned about his stock, any sign that you are controlling your dog will be helpful. If he's just a jerk, however, there's not much you can do. I'm sorry.
I am sorry you are having to face such a difficult situation. Would the installment of an invisible fence be possible? From what I understand, the trick to maximizing their effectiveness is in training the dog to it so they learn the boundaries. Of course if you have too much land this won't work....
I agree with the others about opening up to your neighbors. Of course, you may find it difficult to have coffee with a gun-toting maniac. Perhaps you could even go overboard and bake the guy cookies. Okay, how about cookies from your dog with a note that has his picture and says "please don't shoot me". I am not sure if I am kidding about that or not. Just might work?
Hang in there. You're in my thoughts.
Blessings,
Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
Thanks guys . . . He he, Lin, I'm reeling. That is so true, I never did a THING to dissuade anyone I was not involved, unless by inadvertent example! I am chunky and have all my teeth, not a likely meth addict myself :D .
The neighbor asked me, "Well . . . how come you stayed? Why didn't you do something?" I'm just remembering this, and you know, I'll bet LOTS of people wonder how I could have sat by and did nothing while this meth addict and his friends raised hell? People coming at all hours of day or night, and not anonymous people, KNOWN drug users (everybody knows who they are), tootling up my driveway. I could have stood there with fists full of cash for all they knew.
If I actually did something, then it all would have stopped. Right???
AND . . . Melanie's innocent question "why didn't you do something?" is what hit me deeply. I just told her "there was nothing I could do", but that didn't give her the list of what I tried, and after giving up, what I endured. I never left the property, I never gave myself a face, so they just drew it in based on the info they had.
OK, anyway, thanks again. I love it when things hit home like that.
I still have the dog and neighbor issue, but when I break down like that, in front of Melanie and the boys (AGAIN), something is bothering me a lot. Why didn't I do something? It makes me want to laugh. And cry some more. They mean about HIM. I did do something. About me.
Funny how you can find a little gem in a really unhappy afternoon.
Diva hit on a lot of good points. I know that when situations arise like you have just experienced I feel too raw to make a decision. Also, the only thing that matters is what I think of my neighbors and not what they think of me. When I start worrying about what others think, my people pleasing behaviors can get triggered and this can cause myself a lot of damage. HP is with you!
What about exploring some of the electronic fencing. I know how overwhelming this stuff is. When the a first moved to where he is now with the dogs they went beserk barking day and night. I had to fit them with 2 different sets of bark collars. They now dont' bark but they are anxious. I do really believe dogs pick up on all that emotion and get anxious around it.
What about the pulley system of chainging them up. There are lines you can run aerially they can run like 100 yards or so and they are still tied up. I am planning on installing something like that in the yard when I move. Of course they will sometimes get tied up.
My dogs have got out a few times where the A is. They are right on a road. If they got out at night that would be it for them. They also got out one night after he'd had his latest car wreck and were lost in a park.
I have to turn a lot over day in day out but I do know most days I absolutely did the best I could. So do you don't you. Can you let that be "enough". We can only do what we can do. One of my plans for my dogs is to have a solid routine for them.
You can do the best you can.. You did the best you could while the A was there. That was absolutely the best you could do. Other people do not understand that. I do. We all do here. You don't have to explain anything to anyone. I am sure this one outreach to the neighbor will have an effect.
I can certainly understand why you stayed. A lot of us stay until we just can't bear it anymore. There is nothing for anyone to judge around that. There are reasons to stay and there are reasons to leave. You had far far more than your own welfare at stake there.
I am the last person to make a decision in a raw state. I try to weigh my options Where I will live with my dogs will be far from ideal. I dont' doubt I'll run into problems. I am just ready to deal with tthem these days rather than have than be added to the huge list of problems that come with thea's daily chaos and havoc.
I like loupiness' idea about giving the gun-toting neighbor cookies w/a pic of your dog and a note saying don't shoot me. Kind of a cute idea. And ya know, maybe if he could get to know your dog and see that he is harmless rather than some vicious mutt looking to get into fights and attack people, he will be more understanding towards him. Maybe you could invite a few of the neighbors (including him) over for a end of the summer cook out or something. That way you could get to know a few of the folks and him as well without having to go one on one w/any of them right away. And while they are getting to know you, you are getting to know them and everyone is getting to know your wonderfully protective pup that you need to keep you safe. Sometimes people can surprise you. You just never know.
Diva you were right! A good sleep, I'm better. Hate those emotional storms.
I think you all have given excellent feedback on how to handle the neighbor, it feels "right". Maybe not the "please don't shoot me" picture (this made me laugh out loud), but the idea is right. I don't have to respond to this guy's anger at all, but I can respond to the PROBLEM.
My property is fenced for goats with a perimeter fence except for a section of the 'back forty" way back away from neighbors. The dog doesn't get off the property, and my mistake yesterday was allowing her to come with me to visit the neighbor. Now she thinks she can patrol Melanie's property too. So the fence isn't the question, it was a mistake I made in how to handle this dog, never let her off the property with me, it confuses them, they are very, very territorial and while young especially are still forming their "boundaries".
It's weird, my A is an angry, threatening person and I almost ignored him to my peril. This neighbor guy waves his gun and stares me down and I lose it.
What I'm getting from this feedback is to respond with continued friendliness and make attempts to become more familiar to this neighbor. Ha, I really thought "who would think I was doing METH for god's sake?" I mean, can't they TELL??? :D
Lots and lots of stuff about me here. I learned I brought this on myself, of course I had no idea I was, but I see it now. What's great about taking the responsibility as mine is that I have CONTROL over some things. Not the neighbor's attitude or the dog's temperament perhaps but over how I deal with these things.
Thanks for being there! I really mean that. There's a meeting tonight I'm looking forward to very much, even if I don't bring this up at all, just to sit in there and be amongst recovering people.
Unfortunately, in ranch country, the problem is not whether the dog is friendly or not, but how it relates to stcok. Every rancher has heard of some dog that "wouldn't hurt a flea" causing cows to abort by chasing them, and they tend to not put much faith in people telling them how nice their dogs are. In the country, the issue is not how vicious your dog is, but how well controlled it is (I know that Kim knows all this, but others might not...)
So hard, the 'why didn't you leave?' question. Of course, we here know dam well why you didn't, and celebrate what you finally did, but people who have never dealt with addictions just don't get it. Most people do understand loyalty, though, and some variation of "Just didn't want to give up on him" will make enough sense to them that they stop asking, anyway. One thing I have noticed, after my family 'came out' about our problems, is that people say things like "I never would have guessed that you were going through all of that". Our openess can send a message to others who are secretly 'living the lie' that there is hope, that recovery is possible. You never know who might be hearing your story, and , rather than judging you, instead may be thinking, "Hey, maybe *I* can try that too...."
Yeah, there's a magical kind of thinking that happens when you are looking at someone else's situation . . . it gets simplified and conclusions are drawn. Heck, I understand this. I've done it a million times myself.
It bothered me because "doing something about it" was ALL I wanted to do, and I must still believe I could have/should have, otherwise I wouldn't have taken "the hit" like I did. Glad it was uncovered, though. Painfully, but I am still glad it got rooted out.
What also got rooted out was my shame and self-loathing, which got REALLY triggered by "what others were thinking about me." Truly, I didn't have time or energy to reflect on this much in the last year or so, but there it was beneath everything, bugging me all the time.
Being open and honest and more "out there" in the community was my goal anyway, I'll just keep it up.
My dog is gregarious and friendly as heck . . . she'd also playfully and happily chase a cow or a llama, never once coming close to it, just scaring it into exhaustion and all kinds of mayhem. She's a DOG, and a puppy in spite of her size. She would merely slobber you to death. But a cow smells "predator", and my dog on someone else's property is very wrong. It is all about controlling the dog, my mistake was obvious very soon :) .
