The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I don't want to be here! .... at alanon msg board or meetings. I can't get to sleep at a reasonable hour for weeks and weeks. Long weekend out of town with family and friends, AH put on a good show and stayed in our room to drink at night. I worked at keeping my anxiety at bay but then when things went well, it was almost easy to think it wasn't a problem.....until I saw the empty bottles in his suitcase.
He's a functioning A who drinks alone - I read that can be hard as they take longer to hit bottom. Any other disease, the sooner you treat it the better. I can't imagine just watching him get sicker and sicker. It's overwhelming to see what many of you have endured - I am scared and want to run away. Our family is stunted to say the least. If he wants to grill supper it means he drinks more while he grills and now some of our kids eat out when ever he grills. I am so so sad. I want everything better for our kids. I want our marriage better. Have attended 3 meetings and it does help but seems so futile to just wait around for things to get worse before they get better and that's not a sure thing either. It may never get better, only worse. This is my tantrum, how does anyone keep going? I haven't even gotten to the really hard stuff..... except for the last 5 years of crap my kids have gone through as a result of our disfunctional family. I don't wanna do this, please make it all go away!!
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"Choices are the hinges of destiny." Pythagoras You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
I have read posts from people who are actually grateful to be here..... But I'm with you. When I first came here, I thought the whole thing was totally unfair...I even asked my AH once, CAN'T YOU JUST STOP!!!!
Keep coming back, you will soon find friends here, people just like you...and me.
Believe me, if running away would make it all go away, and make things better, I would be the first to run. Only problem is, I have to take myself wherever I go! LOL
Try to find a local meeting. Come here to read at your leisure, they are not all horror stories...there are many posts of gratitude, hope, inspiration.
I am glad to meet you. There are also meetings online, on this site. And a chatroom. Someone is almost always there if you need to talk. If they aren't there when you first sign on, wait a few minutes, someone usually pops in.
You are not alone. You did not cause it. You cannot cure it. You cannot control it. But you can find help, and hope, for you and your kids here.
((((((((ddub))))))))) <---- these are hugs by the way
I am glad you are here, and Becky is exactly right... you are not alone. Comfort for me didn't come in a couple of meetings... those first few I was just glad to hear it was not me who was dreaming all this.
It is easy to fixate on one aspect of this program early on... but there is much more to Alanon than ... wait it out till he gets sick and tired of being sick and tired. Matter of fact that is a common misunderstanding. Really doesn't say that in any alanon literature, but the opening says with this program it is "possible" to find happiness wether the A is drinking or not.
Probably the most important slogan to me is... Live and let live. Work this program with the goal of YOU Living your life- first and formost with all the focus on what you and your needs are. Find ways to be healthy and happy (yes happy) reguardless of what others do. And give others the dignity to live thier life to and learn their own lessons.
In my home... my kids were effected more by us both being looney tunes (wife drinking and acting out .... and me going crazy trying to fix it). As I got better, my kids realized that the situation was not normal, and was not hopeless. They saw me get better, and they wanted that too.
Some one told me early on ... don't quit until the miracle happens. I will pass that to you.
You deserve it, so keep coming back.
Take care of you!
-- Edited by rtexas at 08:04, 2007-08-08
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Yes, living with an alcoholic/addict is tough. And NO it is not fair!! But you have taken the 1st positive steps to making YOU better. You have started the path to recovery. We cannot do anything about our A's addictions. We can not change them or make them stop their destruction. The A is the only one w/that power. But you do have control over yourself and how you live your life. Go to the meetings, come here and read/post. You'll find wonderful support here and at your meetings. Time to find some peace, some serenity, some happiness. Keep taking care of you. We are here for you.
Hi Ddub :) yup, none of us would willingly choose this life for ourselves, and the anger is understandable.
However, there's one thing . . . "waiting" for the alcoholic to finally decide to quit is an absolute bottomless pit. What about your life? That is what Alanon is about, and it seems counterintuitive to say the least. But it is very possible, from personal experience, to let go of "waiting" for him to quit and get on with your own precious life.
For me, I "kept going" by attending meetings, reading and posting on this board, sharing what was going on to "let it go", and sharing honestly about myself. None of this made my alcoholic stop using nor did it change a single hair on his head for better or worse. But it changed ME, I was infused with strength and hope I did not know was in me by these people here. Changing how I coped with my alcoholic changed everything for the better and I'm getting my life back as I write :) .
You can have your life back, too, and your children can as well. Human beings are rubbery on the inside when young and have amazing resiliency, especially if one parent is healthy and strong and living their own life to the hilt NO MATTER what the alcoholic is doing. That's a promise from Alanon, all ya gotta do is show up, stay open minded, be honest with yourself and others, and pick up the tools and use them. Try it out :) And keep coming back and being here with us, we're very glad to have you. Kim
Yup, I definitely don't want to be here either. I do need to be however. Altho the drama of alcoholism was not my choice the drama that goes along with it is often my choice. This is the place, along with meetings, my own personal growth stuff that I do that allows me not to be sucked into the drama. So, I don't want to be here but sure am happy that I am.
lilms
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Two things: 1. Recovery is a process, not an event.....and.... 2. You only get to go around once. Leave em laughing and make it worth your while
