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I was on the forums earlier about my step-daughter drinking and raising her 2 daughters, -her hubby was killed 2 years ago. My DH just called his ex. about the situation. They seem to agree she needs to watch her drinking--its "ok" to have a beer here and there!--Anyway DH's daughter is 35 and I sure don't think he needed to talk it over with his ex. His ex told DH she would "take care" of the situation!! I told DH he needs to talk to his DD and say it the way it is--Like keep drinking and you will lose your girls. THEN leave it alone....don't keep harping and going on about it. He asked my opinion and I told him--but he seems to listen to his ex--who really knows nothing about alanon. I know we can only say so much to the A but when it comes to children not getting looked after-then I think we do need to intervene.....The nite of the wedding DH's daughter was hanging on him and doing the "drunken"talk to DH---------she didn't even know where her girls were and it was mid-nite and dark outside. He in my opinion needs to be a MAN and step up to the plate and say it how it is. Please any ESH would be great.
I'm sure some will differ with my opinion because of the children but it is what it is.....
Unless your intention is to go to court and try to get custody of those kids, no one is going to make a difference. Is that your plan? I'm not saying you should, what I am saying is this: A 35 yr old woman listening to Daddy telling her to slack up on her drinking or else is like pissin in the wind.
My point is if you are concerned for the children then that is where you would take action. If you aren't planning on doing that anytime soon, trying to change, warn or threaten their Mother is totally fruitless.
Christy
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I don't think your dh is wrong for talking with the mother of the girl. It is their daughter. I think if he feels that his grandchildren are in harms way and the mother of the 35 yr old doesn't take appropriate actions then I think HE should. Someone has to speak for the children. It sounds like you don't like the situation but there isn't anything you can do. All you can do is take control over your life and take care of yourself. It's not our place to be someone else's savior. She has a mother and a father, its their responsibility. You may not like the way they handle their situation and that's ok. You have to learn to let go. Detach from that situation all together. This is my opinion so take what you like and leave the rest. Good luck ^i^
Easy does it Megan , stay out of this one . Detach and let your husb deal with it his own way , even adult children can ruin a marriage , and it's just not worth it . I agree the kids are a concern , and when they are compormised ,reporting her is an option . Your husb knows how u feel about this situation , adn I agree speaking with her is a waste of time , she dosent think she has a problem . threats don't work unless we are fully prepared to carry them out . She is his daughter much harder to detach from children than a spouse . You on the other hand can set boiundaries for your relationship with the dil . and let those kids know that u will be there for them should they need you . goodluck keep the focus on your own needs . Louise
Hi,I didn't get the ages of the kids. However I believe the kids need to be taught to call 911 first.
Taught when it is appropriate to call that number, know their address and phone number in case it is blocked or a cell.
The kids should have a list of numbers of family/loved ones they can call if they are scared or need to talk.
Again taught the situation they should call about.
I am a real childrens advocate. Can tell you from experience of being a widow, that if she did not use before, she may be open to someone talking to her to see if she is ok. Get her to open up.
The kids HAVE to be ketp safe.
I know when I lost my first husband to death, I was totally insane. I allowed things to happen I would NEVER have allowed to happen now.
We lived in the country and I let my little first grader walk down the mountain about 500 feet or more to wait at the road for the dang bus!!!! cute little girl with ringlets to her butt. oh, shaking my head.
When I did get well and healed lots, I was back to me, a very protective mom,not allowing her teen daughter to babysit unless they did not give her a ride home....4 or 5 blocks away....
I am not A in any way at all. I NEEDED someone to care enough to come up there and grab me and care enough to help me.
Again I don't know if this gal is A.
Anyway I don't care who talks to who or what made them do so. Just make sure the mom and kids are safe.
I know personally I haven't always been the greatest mom, I could use some work now. I have done stupid things with kids present and put them in dangerous situations. I guess it just comes down to none of us are perfect. I can't really give any advice except to see from the eyes of a 36 yo mom with 3 kids who has probably done some of the very same things. It doesn't mean I don't care it means I'm not right with myself. I don't know the severity of the situation and perhaps this is a live and let live situation. Love the grandkids, teach them important things, help mom out by taking them here and there. I know that's what I'd love to have, that would help me. I know it's a little different perspective and really it's amazing that kids make it to be adults with all the things they either are put through or do to themselves. Is she an alcoholic - addicted to alcohol or is she just going out and letting loose every now and then?
