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went to my mothers-in-laws yesterday to pick up the cell phone bills for the past 3 months{SAH is on my mother-in-law account.well to my surprise that woman he says he didnt do anything with{read earlier post from a few days ago}or really call there was her number on the cell bill starting in aril 7 to may 25 during that time he called her 45 times and text her 5 times...in april he calles her 33times 12 of them were on april 29 and 3 text that day..he said nothing happened between them..{we got back together the end of march}he got very anger with me and he threw the bills out the window...threw his cell and broke it...finally he said the only reson he called her is because he wanted sex.....but i said we were back together why??why would you want that when we were back together why??? i told him i was hurt...i also told him if the shoe was on the other foot what would you think he said i would think the same thing you are..funny but he is still angry with me i also found out when he was on the phone with his sponsor i overheard him say that he had coffee with her and something else they did but i couldnt hear what he said{funny that he is mad at me for finding out}i could forgive him for this if he were being a husband to me,god knows i have been trying,he doesnt say i love you,or kiss me or hold my hand,he just want me to wash his clothes and make him dinner........but im going to put al-alon to work really start to detach...no more paying his bills,or making him dinner or doing his wash,this is going to be hard and he is going to get madder,but i dont care................why dont he see why im hurting i just want answers the real anwers,but of course that isnt going to happen,so im handing this over to my HP and let him tell the anwers,maybe i should let it go the past is the past....but i hurt so..im not going to sleep in the same room as him for awhile..im going to keep my distance from him,when he is home i will go in the bedroom,and do housework in there and finish unpacking,ill keep myself busy..sorry my post is so long
After reading your post, bev, it appears to me that you already have the answers. According to what you say, it could not be much clearer. Now the question is...what are you going to do for bev? YOU must be the focus of your concern now.
Best wishes and good luck,
Diva
__________________
"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
It is interesting to me that you seem so surprised that someone who has been so dishonest with you in the past would continue to be so dishonest with you now. The reality, it seems to me, is as Diva said: you have his answer. It may not be what you want. But it is his answer. Maybe it'll change. Maybe he'll change. Who knows? In the mean time, you can change. You can work the program. You can do a 4th step over this. You can do some service work. Maybe your central service office needs volunteers. One of the best ways to work your program is to reach out to the newest newcomers.
hi Bev, this is terrible, per your account he is treating you very badly!
I agree, the thing to do is detatch. If leaving or moving to another place isn't an option, letting him fix his own meals and pay his own bills is the right thing to do. He did it before you moved down there, I believe?
I chose not to leave my addict/alcoholic H because I didn't want to leave the farm. I basically lived out of my own room. I thought "eventually" he would get a clue . . . his woman refused to sleep with him (fear of disease), moved out of the marital bed, refused to wash, clean or cook anything that involved him. It made no difference in HIS behavior, he continued to use, even blamed me for his using saying he used because I wouldn't be a wife to him. I didn't believe that for a second.
It helped ME to detatch from him, in the end. It made ME less miserable, it gave me more peace to detatch from him. It didn't change him at all! He kept doing the same stuff. Finally, he got caught by the police and ended up in jail. So he's gone now.
Tiger and Diva got it right, I think you know the answer but aren't quite ready to take the big step. That's OK, we all get ready in our time. Whatever you do, we are right here for you. Keep posting and "letting it out"! Take care of yourself! Kim :)
Here's my interpretation, I went back and looked at all your posts:
Here are the titles by date, I thought it was telling...
Dont know what to do im so tired of my a/addicts abuse plus i'm such a chicken well the a went out tonite just need to vent update on a very bad saturday nite what a long couple of weeks to everyone who responded to my post some happy news how do i know if my hp is answering me stupid me dont understand something (upset) making changes again he asked if i could buy him a new saw he went to the bar at 3 this afternoon something else he's in jail he is home went to rehab well he is back home i left i moved sorry for the post life goes on things are getting better greiving the loss of a loved one leaving to go back to florida re: playing the victim just need some feedback what a bad nite
so what I see here is...you were getting more and more miserable, you left, things were getting better, you greived for 3 days and went back to florida, you moved back in, things are getting worse.
I don't know what you feel you've done to deserve all this but you are a worthwhile person who deserves to love and BE LOVED! I know for a fact you can't greive a loss in 3 days and I also know that it's very very very hard to be alone and walk away from someone you are so intertwined with. I think you rushed back in hoping everything would be ok and deep down you know what's happening, you said it yourself, you're doing investigator work, checking cell records, you're finding out he's a liar, I know you are stronger than you think you are.
When you are giving things to HP you have to be listening for the answer and not ignoring it. That's called denial. HP tells you things by that churning feeling in the pit of your stomach like a punch to the gut. When you feel it that is HP telling you that you need to stop whatever is causing it.
Do you not care if he is sleeping with another woman? It sounded like you weren't that upset or that you would stay even if he was. I was just wondering, some people can tolerate that.
Take what you like or even if you don't like it but it will help you and leave the rest.
i left him the end of jan,moved back to ny,moved back here in florida 2 weeks ago,he said he didnt sleep with her,she said they didnt sleep together,my SAH said he only called her cause he wanted sex from her but it never happened,i have to believe that is the truth..i have to let it go...does it hurt yes,because we got back together the end of march,and he started calling and texting her april 7,when i moved back to ny i was not happy,my home was in florida,and i relized i loved my SAH,but i didnt expect all this....maybe someday the truth will come out maybe not......i cant afford to move again,so here is where i am going to be..im going to al-alon and reading my al-alon books,and going to church on sundays,so like i said im turning this over to my HP..HE WILL TELL ME THE TRUTH AND TELL ME WHAT TO DO
