I would like some help - Al-Anon Family Group

firstin911 · Newbie

I would like some help

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha First...!!

I got the impression that you are a young person. If you are over the age of 12 and younger than 20 I would suggest Alateen which is a part of the Al-Anon Family Groups. It is run by teens affected by someone else's drinking and/or using for teenns affected by someone else's drinking and/or using. That would apply to your relationship with your parents and family and any relationship you might choose to get into. If your Dad is concerned ask him open mindedly (without defense) to tell you what he sees is going on in your relationship. Listen cause he has real experiences with the before program and while being in program. His experience, strength and hope is valueable. It will be good to get others to give you their ESH also. All is required is that you listen open mindedly and consider what you are told against what you truthfully know is happening in your life.

Your comment "What else is to be expected" suggest that you have no other choice but to be in an unhealthy relationship. That is not true you have every responsibility and ability to make choices that get you happy and keep you happy. Get around the others who have learned how to do this and learn how to do it yourself for yourself.

I am glad you checked in here to share and ask for feedback. Keep reaching out for support. There is much support here. If you wish you can contact me directly on this site. Having a parent and sibling in recovery in the Al-Anon Family Groups sometimes is a hugh asset. By the way if they have literature hanging around...tell them you want to read it.

(((((hugs))))) smile

mhgal · Senior Member

Hi firstin911,

Welcome to the board! If, like Jerry says, you are between the ages of 12 and 20, you might want to try Alateen (http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/). You do sound young, and if you are, WOW - good for you for realizing that you need to work on yourself. It's taken most of us Alanoners YEARS to realize that we are the only people we can change - not others, and especially not the alcoholic. That is one of the hardest things that we've had to accept, so it's pretty impressive that you are starting from that understanding. That's a big part of recovery right there!

It also sounds like you already have a feeling that your relationship with your bf is unhealthy. You know what the unhealthiness is, but again, Jerry is right in that you might want to ask your father what it is he sees that concerns him. If he is practicing the steps of Alanon, he will not try to control what you do, so in a way, you are luckier than some people whose parents are trying to force their will onto them. And although your dad is not really objective (after all, you're his little girl wink

) he's not inside the relationship the way you are, so maybe he can offer some observations that you haven't noticed.

Whatever you decide, Alanon or Alateen (they are both in the Alanon family), you've made such a positive step in reaching out for support.

I will keep you in my thoughts,
Take care,
Marion

ally · ~*Service Worker*~

(((((((((First)))))))))))))

I sent you a private message. You will see at the top right hand, where your name is, you click that....

Ally Girl

Karilynn · ~*Service Worker*~

(((((Carina))))),

Welcome to the MIP family. I have no experience with children of alcoholics, so I defer to other people who do. The fact that you are concerned about going down the same path as your father, says you've got great awareness. That's very important. Please keep coming back to us.

Love and blessings to you and your family.

Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty

Tiger2006 · ~*Service Worker*~

I cannot tell you how often it was that my family--both my parents are alcholics--told me they were frightened for my future.
I can honestly tell you that when I step back today, their fears were honestly unfounded, and were based in their own paranoia based in their own experiences that have become jaded and twisted in the shadow of time. My parents didn't know the whole story of my circumstances and would have made things worse if I tried to explain anyway, so they made it seem as if that if I didn't take some drastic action to fix my life, my life would fall apart any minute.
Did it? No.
Was it easy? of course not.
Have I made mistakes? Uh, duh.
It's like, Uh Duh Dad. The idea was that somehow if my parents controlled everything I did, I wouldn't have any problems. In the process, however, they became my problem. weirdface

Uhhhhhh. K. Uhhhhh.
So, here's my idea--I would try and get your dad to get as specific as possible with his concerns. Like down to the smallest detail. Which means talking to him. And listening. And not going nuts. And the more specific you can get him the be, odds are he'll be like "uh, okay, I'm stupid, ignore me."
It's an idea. If it doesn't work, we have Family teens meetings here, and we have al anon here. Some of us are like, under 30, and we have....parents. So yeah.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.