The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just don't know how or why I'm feeling like this. axbf is out of town on vaction, things with the truck are in his hands.I'm staying out of it. He called to let me know he had gotten there, haven't heard from him since, thought maybe he would call . He gets back tomarrow and I find the closer he gets to coming home the more I'm getting this feeling. I had and old girlfriend call me out of the blue upset and asking if she could come over to talk. Now I knew my friend was going through some rough times with her boyfriend, the same time I was. I could reconize by just being around her that things were crazy in her life too. She made out like everything was ok, so I didn't push her to talk about it. Well this week end when she came over it was like seeing myself. I remember going through everything she is going through now. I felt everything she is feeling. Anyway we had a good visit and promised to keep in touch, she only lives about a mile from me. I felt for her so much, but it also made me look at my situation a little different. Her boyfriend and mine could be twins. Some of the things she told me were like "Oh My God" I couldn't believe he had done some of the things he had done to her. Then I said "well you let __ do that to you?" It made me feel I don't know ? (dumb, stupid, sad,) I wanted to cry, I was hurting all over again and I thought I was past that. It made me go over again all the things that happened in our relationship and realize that what we had was what? NOTHING and that makes me mad! And SAD!! I feel as if I'm back to square one. I'm trying to get past all this. Just needed to talk to you guys and get back on track with my goal of getting on with my life. Realizing that he will never be part of my life again, even knowing that he will always want to see me for what ever reason on histerms. Needing Prayers. Thanks
For every negative there is a positive. Sometimes the "awareness" of what we have done or what we have become due to alcoholism is painful. The positive is that you now see it and are much less likely to let yourself fall in that whole again. Sometimes we are pretty blind as to what is happening to us. Because you had compassion for your friend you were given the gift of awareness. I'd say that's a pretty awesome trade. It's an opportunity to turn that pain/hurt around and pat yourself on the back with a big dose of self love and positivity.
Christy.
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Nothing wrong with being at square one!! It's where the truth begins :)
Your post is such a perfect example of why we need each other. While my A was wreaking his havoc, at first I sort of glossed it over and stayed in my fantasy. I wasn't in touch with any program people or healthy friends. It wasn't until I started sharing my story and reading or listening to others' stories that my fantasies fell apart and I saw truly.
THAT was a difficult time, too. But you are in good company!
It will all pass. I love when friends lives are like mine when I am having a bad time because it puts me into perspective and I see how foolish I am being. It's like I get to look into my own life and that's when I need to follow what I preach to them. Ex boyfriends are alot easier to get over then husbands or fathers of your children. Consider yourself blessed. ;)
